Tipping the Decade
The Best and Worst Movies of 2009
By Cole Smithey
Hollywood's bland year of mediocre movies perennially aimed at 14-year-olds set into relief an abundance of important foreign and independent films that helped fill a vacuum for "adventurous" American audiences.
Films from the UK (see "Bright Star," "The Damned United," "Fifty Dead Men Walking," "Fish Tank," and "In the Loop") played a big part in giving audiences a wealth of intensely satisfying choices.
In spite of the usual barrage of torture porn, horror movies enjoyed a good year with films like "The House of the Devil," "Drag Me to Hell," and "Antichrist" building shocks and suspense.
Italian cinema underwent a rebirth with films like "Il Divo" and "Gomorrah" attracting well-deserved spectators. While the late season of Hollywood's latest Oscar-bait movies presented a pleasingly glacial facade with "Up in the Air," it was a little film with Jeff Bridges that stole the year's punch and lightening.
The Best:
10. Bright Star

9. The Damned United

8. Drag Me to Hell

7. Tulpan

6. Crude

5. Departures

4. Seraphine

3. Inglorious Basterds

2. Antichrist

1. Crazy Heart

Honorable mention for 2009 goes to: Anvil: The Story of Anvil, The Beaches of Agnes, Black Dynamite, An Education, Everlasting Moments, Fifty Dead Men Walking, Fish Tank, Funny People, Gomorrah, The Hurt Locker, Il Divo, In the Loop, Loren Cass, Lorna's Silence, The Maid, Moon, Not Quite Hollywood, Observe and Report, Precious, Sin Nombre, Three Monkeys, Up, The White Ribbon.
My top film pick of the century's first decade is "There Will Be Blood," and my top choice for the film that best captures the decade's zeitgeist is Charles Ferguson's documentary "No End in Sight."
Best DVD: The Exiles

The Worst:
10. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Michael Bay's soul-sucking extravaganza of metal machine warfare is remarkable for the lethargy with which the clunky story drags from one silly sequence to another. The spectacle on display isn't even all that impressive. You might make it out of the movie with your soul barely intact, but the actors in the film don't fare so well.
9. Battle for Terra
"Battle for Terra" is an off-putting animated sci-fi flick for no one. 3-D computer generated graphics are the only thing to recommend this thematically tone-deaf sci-fi disaster.
8. Away We Go
Co-writer Dave Eggers' holier-than-thou, slacker road story of negative wish fulfillment proves toxic source material to director Sam Mendes. The movie could win a prize for worst poster of the decade.
7. Tickling Leo
Ostensibly about Holocaust guilt, writer/director Jeremy Davidson's poorly scripted, filmed, and executed drama plays out like an unfinished low budget soap opera. This film should never have gotten a theatrical release.
6. Severed Ways: The Norse Discovery of America
Minimalist independent cinema doesn't get much more low fidelity than debut writer/director Tony Stone's garish vision of 11th century Vikings discovering North America. Clearly inspired by Gus Van Sant's trilogy of time-in-the-desert films, Stone produces a similar cinematic dung heap.
5. Confessionsofa Ex-Doofus-Itchy Footed Mutha
Melvin Van Peebles unwatchable video collage version of his 1982 Broadway disaster "Waltz of the Stork" might work in an art instillation with plastic trash bags lining the walls, but the film fails miserably to live up to Van Peebles's reputation as the man who made the groundbreaking Blaxploitation film "Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song" (1971). It isn't just bad, it's gawdawful.
4. Surveillance
From the looks of her latest cinematic abomination, it seems Jennifer Lynch is doomed to forever be regarded as David Lynch’s untalented daughter. Her first film in 15 years, after the unwatchable “Boxing Helena,” is the kind of slapdash gore-fest you’d expect from Rob Zombie, although even he might take offense at the comparison.
3. H2: Halloween II
Writer/director Rob Zombie's one-note blood bath is a juvenile experiment in gore for gore's sake. It remains a mystery how such an incompetent writer could ever sell the kind of monotonous drivel that "Halloween II" represents, much less get a budget to direct it. Shame, Rob Zombie, shame.
2. The Collector
"The Collector" (no relation to the great John Fowles novel) is director/co-writer Marcus Dunstan's gratuitous attempt at torture porn after writing the scripts for the fourth and fifth installments of the "Saw" horror franchise. It's an open-handed insult to fans of the horror genre.
1. The Stoning of Soraya M.
Cyrus Nowrasteh crafts a prosaic telling of the brutal 1986 murder of an Iranian family woman, as orchestrated by her own husband in the interest of avoiding divorce payments and running off with a teenaged girl. Based on Freidoune Sahebjam's best-selling book, here is an example of on-the-nose exploitation filmmaking at its most unsophisticated level. It's one thing to illustrate social injustice, and quite a different thing to reward it.