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May 31, 2017

JESSICA CHASTAIN WHITELADYSPLAINS THE 2017 CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

OH NO SHE DI'ENT. OH YES SHE DI'ID.

Jessica Chastain Dumps On All The Films In Competition At Cannes

Jump to 04:08 to watch Jessica Chastain whiteladysplain how poorly female characters were represented in the films-in-competition this year at Cannes. Sadly, Ms. Chastain is unable to articulate examples from the undisclosed films that she ham-fistedly calls out. As a result, no one has any idea what she's talking about. When Chastain opines about not seeing female characters she "recognizes," it begs the question of who exactly who the wealthy actress imagines — possibly the neighbors in her apartment building next to Central Park. It's a good thing that her refurbished Manhattan apartment only set her back $5.1 million. Refurbishing the 19th century apartment cost more. 

Chastain's dubious intention seems to draw attention to herself, rather than to the matter at hand. It just doesn't pass the BS detector test as the facial expression of female interpreter sitting behind Chastain evinces. This is clearly not Jessica Chastain's finest hour. 

Chastain at Cannes

That Chastain's buzzkill remarks come during a year when two women filmmakers were recognized with major awards at Cannes — Lynne Ramsey took home the Best Script Award for "You Were Never Really Here," and Sofia Coppola won the Best Director Award for "The Beguiled" — further blunts Chastain's point. Perhaps it would have served the press conference better to celebrate the female filmmakers whose (ostensibly) ethical artistic efforts stood in opposition to depictions of women characters Chastain disapproved of in the unnamed films that she cast aspersions on.

A little preparation for making her point might have served her better. When taken in the context of the daggers being shot by Pedro Almodovar's translator, it seems that such whiteladysplaining isn't everyone's cup of tea. And I'll take Vera Farmiga, as an actress, over Jessica Chastain any day of the week. If you haven't checked out "Bates Motel," I highly recommend it. Farmiga runs circles around Chastain with acting chops that match Naomi Watts, another polished actress who outperforms Jessica Chastain. I could go on. Have you seen what Gina Gershon can do? Whew. I guess it brings us around to Kirsten Dunst, whose performance in "The Beguiled" didn't pass the Bechtel test. 

Agnes Jaoui

Fortunately, Agnes Jaoui took over the baton to reduce the issue to meeting the criteria of the Bechtel Test — wherein in two female characters discuss something other than a male. Admittedly, that's setting the bar pretty low. Wait, Noah Baumbach's movie "The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)" didn't pass the Bechtel Test? — Shocker. Take it up with Noah.

Will Smith pitched in to clean up Chastain's mess by noting that having a couple of black folks (filmmakers in competition) "wouldn't be a bad thing either." Smith may fill the shoes of a boisterous American abroad, but he nevertheless presented a suave and worldly representative of Global Culture. Cheers to Will Smith as a responsible envoy of cinematic culture to put a pin in Chastain's entitled Trumpian version of truth. 

Will Smith

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