The Alamo

The retelling of the Alamo comes at a time when America's violent methods of plundering other countries are being looked at under a global microscope. This dog of a movie confirms that in 1836 Texas was stolen from Mexico by a bunch of opportunistic bastards whose descendants went on to use similarly underhanded methods to steal the office of the White House in 2000. Barely a drop of blood is shown in director John Lee Hancock' s child-friendly film aimed at fathers wanting to bond with their 13-year-old boys over a movie where it doesn't matter how much they talk because it's so boring. Billy Bob Thornton fills in the character of Davy (AKA David) Crockett with a knowing wink to audiences unaware that the legendary wrangler from Tennessee made his last stand at the Alamo.  
Rated PG-13. 137 mins. (D+) (One Star)