Michael Bay’s soul-sucking extravaganza of metal machine warfare is remarkable for the lethargy with which the clunky story drags from one silly sequence to another.
Shia LaBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky, now a college freshman distracted by his oh-so-hot long distance girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) when it becomes clear that he holds the key to defeating the Decepticons.
What little there is of a story teeters between frothy sexed-up humor, ghost-in-the-machine narration from Autobot leader Optimus Prime, and souped-up CGI of giant robots.
The filmmakers give an elderly robot a cane to signify his elderly state (hello, he’s a robot) while having a couple of Autobots talk in ghetto speak.
The script’s desperate grab for any kind of attention, negative or otherwise, is sure to leave intelligent audience members feeling insulted and cheated.
The spectacle on display isn’t even all that impressive.
You might make it out of the movie with your soul barely intact, but the actors in the film don’t fare so well.
Rated PG-13. 144 mins.
