Rise of the Planet of the Apes
There is no reason for this movie to exist. Save for a fleeting moment of vaguely politicized spectacle where apes defeat a small army of cops on the Golden Gate Bridge, there is nothing to pin even the flimsiest theme on. If you were hoping for political, ecological, or sociological satire, you won't find any here.
Set up as a prequel--never a good sign--the largely dialogue-free story mainly comprises the intellectualization—by drugs—of a group of medical-test apes held in a de facto prison. Apes wise up and band together to defeat their captors and escape into the world outside where they are hunted down like, well, wild animals. The trick is that they aren’t “wild” anymore. Get it? They’re smart now. Still, the rebellious simians aren’t able to speak more than a single word by the end of the movie. I sincerely wish there were more to the story, but there just isn’t.
Rated PG-13. 120 mins. (F) (Zero Stars - out of five/no halves)