Author Stephenie Meyer keeps plugging those Mormon "teachable moments" in this dismal continuation of the soft soap melodrama series which, like its vampire hero, refuses to die. With the glow of the franchise considerably on the wane director Bill Condon performs mercenary by-the-book helming duties. Condon’s efforts do little to energize the material's "afterschool special" television trappings. No matter how ordained-by-marriage their union might be, human Bella and vampire Edward evidently have no business getting conjugal together. That's the overriding message that arrives when the sleep-inducing drama surrounding the lovers' big moment of pent-up sexual release finally comes around. In keeping with the franchise’s former installments the CGI werewolves still look like crap, and the romance is still oh so tortured even as the actors shed all resemblance to the teenage culture to which the films are pitched. In the context of America's continued puritanical obsession with sexual repression, the "Twilight" movies come across as so much Kool-aid propaganda. Now that Bella is giving birth to an evil spawn, she's bound to regret not using birth control on her wedding night. Psych.
Rated PG-13. 117 mins. (D) (One Star - out of five/no halves)
I was working at the Campus Drive-In in San Diego in 1982 when Steven Lisberger's "Tron" opened up the computer "game grid" to allow for what was then a fairly dazzling display of special effects. At the time I didn't so much care that the story was severely lacking because the visuals were so unlike anything I'd seen before. The drive-in's gigantic screen served as a great canvas for the spectacle to mask the film's narrative shortcomings. Steven Lisberger ("Slipstream") did not go on to enjoy a notable career.
Nearly 30 years later audiences get a belated sequel that measures up to the original film inasmuch as it falls prey to the same priority of flash over substance. Enter Garrett Hedlund as 27-year-old Sam. He's the grown-up son of "Tron's" vanished hero Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges). Sam has a thing for riding his Ducati motorcycle at high speeds, especially if it involves escaping motorcycle cops. As primary share-holder in his dad's company ENCOM (think ENRON) Sam is finally coming around to the idea of taking some responsibility for the company's less than ethical business practices.
Cut to Sam popping up inside the game grid where he survives a few rounds of death Frisbee before getting into a high-tech motorcycle game more suited to his testosterone-juiced skills. Sam meets up with dad. Jeff Bridges's Kevin Flynn comes across as a Lebowski-inspired hippie who likes to call his son "man" and drop references to his "Zen" philosophy when he isn't waxing philosophical about "radical biodigital jazz." But Kevin is trapped inside the grid by CLU, an alter-ego evil twin he created who now rules the roost as a ruthless fascist dictator. Michael Sheen injects some rock star theatrics ala David Bowie as a white-haired party maestro named Zeus. As one of CLU's loyal subjects Zeus is not a trustworthy fellow. A ticking-clock plot device means that Sam has just eight-hours to extract his dad from the grid. Help from a super sexy Olivia Wilde as machine-girl Quorra promises to advance Sam's escape plan if only they can foil the do-it-all-villain CLU. If you're young and easily impressed, then "Tron: Legacy" won't feel like a rip off. As for the film's non-window-breaking 3D effects, you'll be left to scratch your head about why the filmmakers even bothered.
Rated PG. 127 mins. (C-) (Two Stars - out of five/no halves)
With a trashy narrative that barely resembles E. T. A. Hoffmann's original "The Nutcracker and the Mouse King," upon which Tchaikovsky's classic ballet is adapted, director/co-writer Andrey Konchalovskiy botches history. Nowhere here are the Saut de chats of ballet dancers flying through the air. There's barely a nod to the traditional storyline as Mary (Elle Fanning) and her new best friend, the Nutcracker Prince, are swept up in an epic war against an evil Rat King (John Turturro) and his sci-fi themed giant rodent soldiers. They fly around with mechanical wings scaring people. The Rat King has some warped fascistic idea about ruling the world by confiscating children's toys. He turns them into permanent black smoke clouds. Doesn't that sound Christmassy? Throw "Nutcracker 3D" on the pile of all of 2010's crappy 3D films. We're already at the point where any film branded with "3D" is reason enough to skip it outright. Anything you do, don't waste your time or money taking your kids to see this turkey. Better to take them to a local ballet performance of the real "Nutcracker." Now that's culture.
Rated PG. 110 mins. (D) (One Star - out of five/no halves)
A flawed decision to split the final installment of the Harry Potter adaptations into two releases results in a formless narrative that overstays its welcome. No matter how much detail director David Yates attempts to insert using slick visual effects that periodically invigorate the movie, this over-emphasized spectacle merely highlights the film's underwhelming storyline. We get that Harry is in grave danger, but don't get any sense of his abilities or his inclination to rescue the human and underground magic worlds from sinister forces if he survives to defeat the evil Lord Voldemort. Reigning over the darkest of times Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) and his Death Eaters rally forces with Rufus Scrimgeour's (Bill Nighy) Ministry of Magic to track down and kill Harry Potter. A Nazi-era social climate of fascistic dictatorship rules with public announcements, informing Europe's citizenry that" You have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide." Harry's latest birthday coincides with his reunion with old pals Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson). They find and destroy a number of magic talismans called Horcruxes that contain pieces of Voldemort's ink-black soul. Because Yeats's Harry Potter machine tries too hard to be all things to all people, there isn't much room for character development. This is not a good way to wrap up the franchise.
Rated PG-13. 150 mins. (C) (Two Stars - out of five/no halves)
The latest installment of the Twilight franchise's teeny-bopper-vampire-werewolf-melodrama comes the closest so far to presenting an entertaining cinematic experience but still not close enough for uninitiated audiences. Meandering subplots, miscalculated segues, and inexcusable flash-back sequences represent 20-minutes of footage that should have been left on the editing room floor. Fickle Bella (Kristen Stewart) is still trying to choose between vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and wolfboy Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), the two hunky representatives of opposing monster worlds. High school graduation is approaching for Bella, and Edward is intent on getting her to marry him, while Bella is more concerned with losing her virginity. Big vampire trouble brews at the will of red-haired vamp goddess Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard), who's busy orchestrating a small scale war between a Newborn army of vampires and Edward's tight knit clan. Director David Slade ("Hard Candy") elevates Melissa Rosenberg's unwieldy script, but can't excise enough of the eye-blinking filler that barely masks a bare bones story. The CGI werewolves still leave much to be desired, and Taylor Lautner needs to put on a shirt, but the franchise seems to be on the brink of competency.
Rated PG-13. 121 mins. (C) (Two Stars - out of five/no halves)
This war-horse fairytale gets dragged out again, this time for Hillary Duff (“Agent Cody Banks”) to pout around as a Los Angeles high school student persecuted by her cruel step-mom (Jennifer Coolidge) and jealous step-sisters, while she prances closer to the romantic flame of jock king Austin (Chad Michael Murphy). Unbearably packed with every ditzy cliché of teen girl fantasy, “A Cinderella Story” wallows in the saccharine sweetness of an insipid fantasy narrative that goes nowhere. The movie will wash over adolescent female audiences who don’t know any better like melted Brie on 110-degree asphalt, but for the rest of us it’s a grueling waste of time.
Relative newcomer Mia Wasikowska is ideal as the ever-curious Alice Kingsleigh in Tim Burton's thematically juiced up adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking-Glass.” Presented in 3D, Burton's prodigious aptitude for filigree filled fantasy takes center stage after 19-year-old Alice steps away from a 19th century garden party marriage proposal by an unfit suitor named Hamish. The lass who likes to boast that she can imagine "six impossible things before breakfast," follows a waist coated white rabbit down a giant hole to an extraordinary location called Underland. Size being an issue in Underland, it takes a few tries before Alice is able to shrink and expand to a scale that will accommodate the surreal universe of her imaginings. An especially unhelpful dormouse, a blue-striped Cheshire cat, and a doubting caterpillar named Absolim question Alice's identity as the real Alice. But our headstrong freethinker takes solace in the nature of her dream state as a path that she designs. A messy tea party with Johnny Depp's schizophrenic Mad Hatter leads Alice on a journey inside the gates of the Red Queen's castle where Helena Bonham Carter's cranially challenged Queen reigns with the frequently repeated command, "Off with his head." Crispin Glover chews up scenery as Stayne-Knave of Hearts, the Queen's evil-doing knight, and Anne Hathaway adds kooky charm to the Red Queen's kinder sibling counterpart, the White Queen. Screenwriter Linda Woolverton keeps the thematic emphasis on Alice's potential for ignoring the demands of social convention and independently facing up to the imminent challenge that awaits her, namely a giant winged monster called the Jabberwocky. It's difficult to imagine another modern filmmaker doing this degree of justice to this well-worn but deserving children's tale. Tim Burton has created a classic for generations to come. Rated PG. 109 mins. (A-) (Four Stars - out of 5/no halves)
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightening Thief
Aside from some non-PG-rated emphasis on an abusive home life and a lot of underwhelming CGI, "Percy Jackson" is a well-paced kids' action picture that flirts with Greek mythology to create its otherworldly spectacle. Rising child star Logan Lerman plays Percy, a Manhattan teenager living with his mom Sally (Catherine Keener) and her less-than-desirable boyfriend Gabe (Joe Pantoliano). During a school trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art Percy discovers that he is the demi-god son of Poseidon (Kevin McKidd). It seems that the Lord of the Seas had a fling with Percy's mortal mother. Someone has made off with the lightening rod that Zeus uses to control the heavens. Needless to say, the King of Olympus is plenty steamed about it. Believing Percy to be the thief, Zeus dictates that the bolt must be returned before the approaching solstice if an apocalyptic war with Hades (Steve Coogan) is to be avoided. Percy's wheelchair-bound teacher Chiron (Pierce Brosnan) accompanies him to a camp for demi-gods where Percy hones his fighting skills. With fellow demi-gods Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), daughter of Athena, and his half-goat protector Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) Percy sets off to rescue his kidnapped mother from Hades and return Zeus's purloined lightening rod. Uma Thurman makes the most of her limited screen time as a sunglass-wearing Medusa who takes off the shades when visitors are around. The gorgon with snakes for hair performs her famous trick--turning anyone who gazes upon her to stone before Percy and his heavenly-blessed pals make their way to Hades' hellish hole. "Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightening Thief" is a fair movie, but it's no "Jason and the Argonauts."
Quentin Tarantino has matured as an auteur even if he's as prone as
ever to creating funny-ha-ha sequences of joyous cinematic revelry just
for the sport of it. Tarantino deploys virtuosic use of character,
dialogue, suspense, and surprise in each of this film's five chapters.
A tense opening sequence titled "Once upon a time in Nazi-occupied
France" sets the filmmaker's darkly comic yet heavily dramatic tone
with Nazi Colonel Hans Landa's (diabolically played by the incomparable
Christoph Waltz who won Best Actor at Cannes for his performance)—and
his small group of soldiers— visit to a remote farmhouse inhabited by
dairy farmer Perrier LaPadite (Denis Menochet) and his three daughters.
The objective, naturally, is to search for Jews whom LaPadite may be
hiding. A polite battle of wits and willpower between the two
adversaries plays out with a savory drama that is astounding for its
layers of subtext, precise execution, and originality. The following
chapter introduces Tennessee-born Lt. Aldo Raine (played with gusto by
Brad Pitt), who indoctrinates his elite squad of Nazi scalpers (Aldo is
part Apache Indian) with a speech spun of richly-humored narrative
gold. The remaining chapters--each reflecting a different film genre--
build on one another toward a new kind of World War II fantasy climax
that is cathartic as it is bittersweet for its inevitable collateral
damage.
Terry Gilliam is popularly considered the victim of a terrible curse that brings disaster down on his nearly every film. Gilliam's editing battles over his masterpiece "Brazil" are the stuff of legend. So hellacious were the director's attempts at making "The Man Who Killed Don Quixote," with Johnny Depp in the title role, that a documentary ("Lost in La Mancha") was made as a sad document of that film's doomed fate.
"The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" automatically receives the status of a notable film as the late Heath Ledger's final performance. That this trippy movie opens with Ledger's character hanging by a noose from a London bridge inevitably lends a ghostly air to the proceedings. Ledger's character Tony Shepherd is on the run. Some angry men want to kill him, which is understandable since his work overseeing a children's charity was conducted in less than savory ways. Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) is the aged leader of a small traveling performance troupe that includes his nearly-of-age daughter Valentina (Lily Cole) and Anton (Andrew Garfield), Parnassus's assistant. Anton is hopelessly smitten with Valentina. The troupe doesn't know that Tony (Ledger) has perfected faking his own suicide when they "rescue" him from the aforementioned bridge. Doctor Parnassus is a gambling addict and devout Buddhist monk who makes bets with the Devil, a.k.a. Mr. Nick (Tom Waits). Mr. Nick being Mr. Nick, lures Parnassus into a pernicious bet with Valentina as the unwitting prize. The first bettor to collect five souls wins. With Tony's help, the Imaginarium attracts four unsuspecting women to enter a surreal land through a magic mirror. It's in this abstract dimension that souls are claimed, and where Ledger's character takes on different qualities as performed alternately by Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law. For the first time in a decade, since 1998's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," Terry Gilliam has made a film that delivers on his reputation as a master of cinematic fantasy. While he hasn't made a flawless film, Gilliam manages to preserve the memory of Heath Ledger in an appropriate and inspired way. He takes us on a journey we're happy to take for every surprise--large and small--that the film has in store.
Teen desire and romance hits Hogwarts in the sixth Harry Potter film, and goes a long way to providing contrast to the skullduggery being perpetrated by Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, and three Death Eaters that swirl around the story like exterminating angels. The actors have all aged well into their familiar roles, with Daniel Radcliffe showing evermore confidence in playing the "Chosen One" with a reserve of humor and restrained emotion. Hermione's amorous preoccupation with Ron gets lift during a couple of very well executed Quidditch sequences that lend harmless excitement to some of the film's otherwise darker set pieces. The ever-perfect Michael Gambon is a delight as Dumbledore, whose objective of undermining the evil Lord Voldemort with Harry's prodigious help sets the film's tempo. David Yates returns after directing the last Potter film with a determinedly Gothic vision that allows emotional and visual color to emanate from JK Rowling's collection of lively protagonists. Jim Broadbent adds particular energy as Professor Horace Slughorn, who Dumbledore convinces to return to teaching magic potions at Hogwarts. Slughorn's repressed memories of a student named Tom Riddle--later to become Lord Voldemort--provide essential insight into the nature of the beast that Harry must face in the next installment. "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" is the most balanced Harry Potter film to come along, perhaps because the right combination of screenwriter (Steve Kloves) and director has been established, along with the appropriate team of special effects wizards and talented production crew. Of course it's the actors that make the magic happen and every one, from Alan Rickman and Robbie Coltrane to Emma Watson and Bonnie Wright, cast a memorable spell. (Warner Brothers) Rated PG. 153 mins. (B+) (Four Stars)
Michael Bay's soul-sucking extravaganza of metal machine warfare is remarkable for the lethargy with which the clunky story drags from one silly sequence to another. Shia LaBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky, now a college freshman distracted by his oh-so-hot long distance girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) when it becomes clear that he holds the key to defeating the Decepticons. What little there is of a story teeters between frothy sexed-up humor, ghost-in-the-machine narration from Autobot leader Optimus Prime, and souped-up CGI of giant robots. The filmmakers give an elderly robot a cane to signify his elderly state--hello, he's a robot--while having a couple of Autobots talk in ghetto speak. The script's desperate grab for any kind of attention--negative or otherwise--is sure to leave intelligent audience members feeling insulted and cheated. The spectacle on display isn't even all that impressive. You might make it out of the movie with your soul barely intact, but the actors in the film don't fare so well. Rated PG-13. 144 mins. (D) (One Star)
Although it wears out some of its welcome with an extended ending that ineffectively introduces a slew of imprisoned mutants and a ghost-in-the-machine appearance by Professor Charles Xavier, the movie is a super-action extravaganza made engrossing by dynamic performances from Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber as sibling uber rivals. An epic fast twitch credit sequence encompasses decades of brutal wartime participation from the good-hearted Logan AKA Wolverine (Jackman) and his cold-blooded brother Victor Creed AKA Sabertooth (Schreiber) who each possess mutant qualities that make them somewhat immortal. A covert military mission in Nigeria, under a corrupt Colonel Stryker (Danny Houston), divides the brothers, with Logan choosing a remote logging existence in the Canadian mountains with his girl friend Kayla Silverfox (Lynn Collins), who has mutant powers of her own. A malicious visit from Sabertooth sets Logan up to participate in Colonel Stryker's latest military experiment that will make Wolverine indestructible by painfully transforming his skeleton with a material called adamantium. Stryker's plan backfires inasmuch as it insures the effectiveness of Wolverine's revenge. Rated PG-13. 107 mins. (B)(Three Stars)
Dave Gibbons' hardboiled superhero graphic novel is brought to stunning
visual life by director Zach Snyder in a convoluted adult fantasy that
provides an off-key political tone to its alternate reality of 1985
America where Richard Nixon is still President and the Doomsday Clock
forever sits at five minutes to the hour of imminent apocalypse thanks
to a Soviet nuclear threat. Put out of work by Nixon's decree outlawing
masked avengers, unless they work for the government, a group of former
superheroes known as the Watchmen variously reconnect after the violent
murder of their macho former member the Comedian AKA Edward Blake
(Jeffrey Dean Morgan) whose demise implies a similar fate for the rest
of the group. Rorschach (devilishly played by Jackie Earle Haley), in
his ever-morphing inkblot mask and raspy voice, narrates the complex
mystery that plays out with richly designed flashbacks that reveal the
personal histories of the likes of Laurie Jupiter (Malin Akerman) and
her atomically transmogrified yet anatomically correct love interest
Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup). Outrageous sexual elements and extreme
violence give "Watchmen" its well-deserved hard R rating. Opposed to
its child-friendly poster, this is not your run-of-the-mill
action/adventure movie for the kids. At over two and a half hours,
"Watchman" is a full-frontal adult sci-fi satire that's as enjoyable as
it is thematically confounding. There's something here to make every
member of the audience squirm. (Warner Brothers) Rated R. 160 mins. (B) (Four Stars)
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
C.S. Lewis classic work of children’s literature is brought to exuberant life with enticing visuals and bright performances under the guidance of director/co-screenwriter Andrew Adamson (“Shrek” 1 & 2) and the aid highly skilled animators, production designers and crew. Four young British siblings, living under the duress of WW II, take refuge in the country mansion of a kindly professor (Jim Broadbent) where they discover a passage to a fantastical wintry land via an old wardrobe. The children learn important lessons regarding betrayal, leadership and overcoming fear from a mystical ruler lion named Aslan (voiced by Liam Neeson) as they are plunged into a war against Jadis, the White Witch (Tilda Swinton). The movie features a cornucopia of talking creatures including centaurs, minotaurs and fauns that do battle in the film’s surprisingly violent climax to liberate Narnia from Jadis’ wintry curse. Rated PG. 132 mins. (B)(Three Stars)
Peter Jackson’s spectacular finale to the Lord of the Rings film trilogy seals up J.R.R. Tolkien’s mythic stories with banner performances by a cast that has become like family to fans who have faithfully followed the series. Jackson’s decision to leave Saruman (Christopher Lee) on the cutting room floor, to be seen only on the DVD, haunts the movie as to the whereabouts of Lee’s agile villain, but the film’s opening flashback sequence reveals Smeagol’s (Andy Serkis) former hobbit aspect before he became Gollum. The Lord of the Rings movies are the anti-Harry Potter of fantasy films that separate the men from the boys and, in so doing, unite hobbits, dwarves, men and women alike. All hail to the King. Rated PG-13. 3 hrs. 20 mins. (A)(Five Stars)
There are more than a few similarities between but Anne Hathaway (“The Princess Diaries”) steals all thunder away from Julia Stiles. This loose variation on “Cinderella” finds medieval "Ella of Frell" the recipient of a spell from her flaky fairy Godmother (Vivica A. Fox) that makes her obedient to any command she’s given. With the help of Prince Charmont (Hugh Dancy) and an elf called Slannen (Aiden McArdle), Ella journeys through a dangerous countryside filled with ogres and giants to have her Godmother reverse the spell. Love soon blossoms betwixt Ella and the Prince whose uncle, Prince Regent Edgar (Cary Elwes), contrives to make Ella assassinate. Anne Hathaway is the cheery spark in this glitzy girl’s fantasy story from screenwriters Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith (“Legally Blonde”). Rated PG. 95 mins. (C+) (Two Stars)
"Year of the Fish" is a tawdry tale about a Chinese immigrant girl sold into Manhattan massage parlor servitude. Although writer/director David Kaplan attempts to elevate his amateur narrative attempt with the same rotoscoping animation technique that Richard Linklater used to great effect with "Waking Life" and "A Scanner Darkly," the effect comes across as overwrought. Inspired by the Cinderella fairytale Kaplan follows young Ye Xian (An Nguyen) as she enters New York's Chinatown world of happy-endings where she refuses to engage in polishing any knobs. The parlor's owner Mrs. Su (Tsai Chin) punishes Ye by making her responsible for cleaning every inch of the establishment. A hunchbacked witch adds a touch of magical realism by giving Ye a goldfish that will bring her good fortune. But the only good fortune audiences will find lies in skipping this sorry tale.
(Gigantic Pictures) Not Rated. 96 mins. (C-) (Two Stars)
"Year of the Fish" is a tawdry tale about a Chinese immigrant girl sold into Manhattan massage parlor servitude. Although writer/director David Kaplan attempts to elevate his amateur narrative attempt with the same rotoscoping animation technique that Richard Linklater used to great effect with "Waking Life" and "A Scanner Darkly," the effect comes across as overwrought. Inspired by the Cinderella fairytale Kaplan follows young Ye Xian (An Nguyen) as she enters New York's Chinatown world of happy-endings where she refuses to engage in polishing any knobs. The parlor's owner Mrs. Su (Tsai Chin) punishes Ye by making her responsible for cleaning every inch of the establishment. A hunchbacked witch adds a touch of magical realism by giving Ye a goldfish that will bring her good fortune. But the only good fortune audiences will find lies in skipping this sorry tale.