This Means War

Spy vs. Spy vs. Romance
Tom Hardy and Chris Pine Cross Swords for Luv
By Cole Smithey

Daft competitive seduction is at the heart of this scattershot romantic comedy that veers woefully into uncultivated screwball territory. The movie tries too hard to titillate perceived notions of what both sexes of audience members might expect from a love story where two males with a military arsenal compete for the affection of a woman who is more shrew than honeypot. Said audiences are more likely to be amorously anesthetized by director McG’s jarring quick-cut spasms of explosions than coerced into feeling any emotional sensation.

A skyscraper penthouse—complete with helicopter landing pad—supplies the film’s opening shoot-em-up action sequence. Best friend CIA agents FDR (Chris Pine) and Tuck (Tom Hardy) bungle their assignment to capture a Russian kingpin who makes a remarkable escape from the incredibly high rooftop. The tone here is all gloss with no tooth.

Cinema’s latest do-it-all-action-star Tom Hardy (“Warrior”) slums it. Situated opposite relative newcomer Chris Pine (“Star Trek”), Hardy consumes all the oxygen in the room whenever the two CIA partners share a scene. Their characters are single playboys whose lavish bachelor lifestyles are the product of a fetishistic male fantasy dreamt up by a committee of aging frat boy screenwriters. Simon Kinberg (“Mr. and Mrs. Smith”) and Timothy Dowling struggle with a story by newbie writer Marcus Gautesen.

Tuck is separated from his wife. He has a seven-year-old son whom he takes to martial arts class. With three vintage motorcycles and room to free spar with his trainer in his posh living room, Tuck doesn’t seem to mind the single life. FDR lives in a lux pad with a lap-pool glass ceiling in his hallway from which he can watch the underside of untold females swimming the breaststroke. If working as an underhanded CIA agent paid this well there would be a permanent chain of males stretching twice around D.C.’s National Mall trying to get hired.

An idea for online dating opens up Tuck to a plethora of romantic options that immediately narrow down to Reese Witherspoon’s Lauren Scott. She’s a stereotype of blonde Los Angeles womanhood who runs her own business and likes to prance around her apartment singing to out of date rap songs—witness a cringe-inducing sing-along to Montell Jordan’s “This Is How We Do it.” Lauren’s—and the film’s—only redeeming quality is her irreverently saucy best friend Trish (exuberantly played by Chelsea Handler). If only the screenwriters had given the lusty Trish entree into the romantic fray, the movie might have had a chance. Even swapping Handler to play the lead, with Witherspoon as the supportive best friend, would have given the movie some umph where it needed it most. One thing’s certain; Chelsea Handler is primed for a leading comedic role in a film with a better script.

There’s no telling how much better the movie would have been if all of Handlers original scenes had been left in. The filmmakers cut some her bawdier dialogue to convince the MPAA to downgrade the film from an R to a PG-13 rating. Downgrade: check.

Love-at-first-sight occurs between Tuck and Lauren on their initial date. That doesn’t prevent Lauren’s wandering eye from catching FDR’s attention when the two bump into one another in a video rental store mere steps from where she just ended her brief meet cute with Tuck. Choosing to play her options, Lauren dates both men. The CIA partners apprehend the emotionally charged situation. They agree to refrain from sexual conduct while allowing Lauren to choose the best man for her. Let the best, or most motivated, man win.

A series of increasingly sloppy dates finds Tuck and FDR using their CIA surveillance resources to follow each other’s romantic efforts with Lauren. They also spy on Lauren to discern how best to mollify her personal tastes, which include a love of Gustav Klimt and a soft spot for doggies. The men act appropriately as sycophantic puppies whose idea of leading a romance means pandering to Lauren’s fairly shallow interests. This is fifth grade romance at its most heavily armed.
Considering the film’s association to the superior, but still dismal, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” “This Means War” is doomed from the start. It’s another example of everything wrong with Hollywood. January and February are always the worst months of the year for new releases. This dog just confirms the maxim.

Rated PG-13. 120 mins. (D+) (One Star - out of five/no halves)

Monte Carlo

"Monte Carlo" fails even as the cheesy teen-girl romantic pap its creators set out to achieve. The filmmakers could at least pay off on the title's promise as an armchair Riviera vacation of feature film proportions. That doesn't happen either. Many scenes were filmed in Budapest. Cough.

It's hard to imagine that four screenwriters looking over each other's shoulders could fail to catch the glaring plot holes that open up in every crevice of what should have been a slam-dunk story. Disney it-girl Selena Gomez falls flat on her face in a duel role as evil twins Grace and Cordelia. Grace is a Texas lower class bimbet. Cordelia Winthrop-Scott is a rich British faux-celebrity heiress bimbo. Think Paris Hilton with a British accent. Upon her high school graduation Grace embarks on a Parisian vacation in the company of her BFF Emma (Katie Cassidy). Grace has been saving pennies from her diner waitress job. Grace's more-than-passive-aggressive parents throw a monkey wrench in their youngest daughter's travel plans with a last minute surprise of sending along her cunning stepsister Meg (Leighton Meester). Meg openly despises Emma, and cares none too much for Grace either. With parents like these Grace needs no enemies.

The plot implodes in Paris when Meg and Emma notice Grace's resemblance to her double Cordelia at a ritzy hotel. Impossible opportunity allows Grace to become a Cordelia imposter. The three clueless chics get a free ride to Monte Carlo where shenanigans occur involving hunky foreign boys and a missing necklace. No information is given about the real Cordelia's whereabouts during the girls' free-for-all. "Monte Carlo" will go over big with 11-year-old girls. That's about it.

Rated PG. 108 mins. (C-) (Two Stars - out of five/no halves)

Love, Wedding, Marriage

Everything about Dermont Mulroney's directorial debut falls flat. Based on Mulroney's experience acting in romantic comedies like "My Best Friend's Wedding," you might expect him to turn in a competent effort. No such luck. A p.o.s. that should have gone straight to video is a comedy without humor and a romance without attraction. Mandy Moore plays window-dressing as Eva, an implausible marriage counselor psychologist whose recent marriage to Kellan Lutz 's Johnny-hunk-lately character Charlie is not going as planned. Eva gets post wedding blues when she discovers her parents (played by a miscast Jane Seymour and a notable James Brolin) are getting separated. Mistimed pratfalls and misjudged plot points go by like local stops on an express train. There are reasons the institution of marriage is becoming more and more obsolete. "Love, Wedding, Marriage" doesn't stem the tide.

Rated PG-13. 91 mins. (D) (One Star - out of five/no halves)

Submarine

Newcomer Craig Roberts takes at least a pound and a half of inspiration from Bud Cort's romantically inclined misfit in "Harold and Maude" for his defiantly humorous portrayal of the 15-year-old Oliver Tate. However derivative of "Catcher in the Rye" Joe Dunthorne's source novel might be, screenwriter/director Richard Ayoade spins it into cinematic gold. Here is a refreshing coming-of-age movie which knows where to pull punches and where to let fly. The virgin-breaking action takes place in the windswept landscape of Swansea, Wales. Crucial to the film's success is Yasime Paige as Oliver's poker-faced precocious object of teen desire, Jordana. Like Oliver, Jordana has problematic parents. Her sick mother is tapping gently on death's door. Oliver's oddball folks (wonderfully played by Noah Taylor and Sally Hawkins) haven't had sex in ages. Wifey is being led astray by Paddy Considine's new-age guru Graham, who recently moved in to a house next door. Oliver's ongoing pithy inner monologue of quips about his flirtation with eccentric habits and off-center observations is the product of an overactive intellect matched only by his libido. Jordana effortlessly matches him in both departments. She is just as hyper verbal as he is. Fast twitch dry wit never seemed so natural. The filmmakers maintain a tantalizing tone of tongue-in-cheek affectation without giving into the saturation of irony on display. Erik Wilson's sumptuous cinematography registers filmic delight in every frame. There's real tenderness here.

Rated R. 97 mins. (A-) (Four Stars - out of five/no halves)

Midnight in Paris

"Midnight in Paris" is amusing. Which is fine. While it by no means represents the long-awaited return to form, it is probably as good as Woody Allen's films are likely to get in this, the final victory-lap stage of his career. With its pleasant gypsy jazz guitar score and clearly-enunciated themes of nostalgia set in the city of lights, "Midnight in Paris" dips, glides, and even manages to soar (if only for a moment here and there). Owen Wilson hangs on to his identity better than many have in the role of Woody Allen's trademark tic, the alter ego protagonist. That is if you can ignore Wilson's proclivity for pronouncing the word probably as "prolly." Gil (Owen) is a worn-out screenwriter with his first novel freshly under his belt when he travels to Paris with his fiancée Inez (Rachel McAdams) and her disapproving parents. "Crypto fascist airhead zombies" is one way Inez's right-wing parents are compartmentalized by Allen's scalpel of dry wit. In her role as a harpy shrew, Rachel McAdams fills space in a strictly utilitarian part that could have been executed by a dozen other actresses; no one would be any the wiser.

The story takes shape as an imaginative literary reverie. Gil enjoys during late night strolls through Paris that take him on a time-travel journey when church bell tolls at midnight. Gil adores walking in the rain in Paris. Allen's eye for immaculate postcard compositions regales the audience with a fantasy vision of Paris that transports it back to the 1920s when American ex-pats such as Cole Porter, Ernest Hemingway, Pablo Picasso, and Gertrude Stein exchanged ideas and bodily fluids. A stream of actors alternately succeeds and fails in cameo roles as famous artists, writers, dancers, and lovers. Marion Cotillard stands out as Picasso's amalgamated mistress Adriana. Here is an actress incapable of turning in a lackluster performance. Corey Stoll owns his vibrant scenes as Hemingway. Kathy Bates misses the target completely as Gertrude Stein, just as Adrien Brody turns his Salvador Dalí creation into a cartoon character of the Bugs Bunny variety.

Allen conjures up a simpler time filled with a joie de vivre sadly absent from 21st century existence. In fairness to the Woodman, the famously wistful auteur backpedals to remind us that nostalgia is a trap that prevents us from enjoying the life we have to share. "Midnight in Paris" embodies a springtime sense of romantic desire. So much the better if you happen to walk out of the cinema, as I did, onto a rainy urban street after seeing it.

Rated PG-13. 94 mins. (B-) (Three Stars - out of five/no halves)

Bridesmaids

Kristen Wiig is a comic genius. Her performance as Annie, a thirtysomething woman whose life is in a tailspin, is ridiculously funny. We're talking virtuoso stuff here. Wiig co-produced and co-wrote "Bridesmaids" in conjunction with Judd Apatow. "Bridesmaids" joins the ranks of Apatow's "Knocked Up" as a hearty romantic comedy rooted in naturalism. There's a level of believability and sincerity to the characters that grabs on a never lets go. You can't help but connect with Wiig's Annie. The cake bakery she owed and operated is out of business. Her British roommate's sister has moved into her apartment on an endless vacation. The guy Annie sleeps with (John Hamm) treats her with insulting disregard. But the most upsetting event in Annie's life comes when her best friend since childhood Lillian (Maya Rudolph) gets engaged and assigns Annie as her maid of honor. 

Annie's flagging self-esteem sinks when she encounters Helen (Rose Byrne), wife to the boss of Lillian's betrothed guy. Wealthy Helen makes no bones about upstaging Annie at every opportunity in an obvious power play to usurp Annie's maid of honor role. An especially hilarious sequence at a pre-wedding party Helen throws, features dueling speeches between the newly-matched rivals. The humor zings and builds to a perfect crescendo. You've got see what Wiig can do with facial expressions. 

The gags skew over the top frequently. A bridesmaids lunch at a restaurant Annie chooses, delivers a dose of food poisoning to each woman except for Helen, a vegetarian. Unsightly bodily functions erupt at an elite dress boutique where the women pick out their expensive gowns. Melissa McCarthy spices things up in a neat game of supporting character surprises as Megan, an overweight bridesmaid with a sturdy lust for life. 

"Bridesmaids" is all about tone and character development. There's a point when you suddenly realize you've come through Annie's maturing process with her. Here is a romantic comedy with body and soul. The laughs go deep.

Rated R. 120 mins. (B+) (Four Stars - out of five/no halves)

Something Borrowed

Attractive people do bad things in this tone-deaf romantic comedy based on Emily Giffin's novel. Best friends since childhood, Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Darcy (Kate Hudson) share a well-worn dysfunctional relationship. Passive-aggressive Rachel lays down for Darcy's every hyper-aggressive action. Darcy is a charming bully who gets her way with a flip of her hair, a shake of her bottom, and a smile. Stealing boyfriends is merely one of Darcy's long list of heartless character traits. Her self-professed greater need for sexual gratification over her best friend's meek libido is supposed to validate her actions. Flesh hits flesh when Darcy sets her sites on Rachel's romantically inclined law school classmate Dex (played by Tom Cruise look-alike Colin Egglesfield) at a Manhattan bar. Darcy openly co-opts Dex's and Rachel's date. Six years later, wedding vows loom for Dex and Darcy. In this bubble of protracted romantic confusion everyone cheats on one another. If there's a tilt of expectation toward Rachel finally getting her unstated impractical way with Dex, it comes at a higher cost to someone else--her other best friend Ethan (John Krasinski)--as the only person around who genuinely cares about her. To glorify Rachel in her role as the story's backstabbing protagonist is an irresponsible act of authorship even though her just-deserts-punishment dares to give her what she wishes for. As the adage goes, "You can't judge a book by its cover." Here you'll have to reach a decision about smiling cute characters without a jot of ethical sense. The filmmakers have already sized up their audience. They seem to think their viewers will be blinded to basic morality by the allure of beauty.

Rated PG-13. 103 mins. (D+) (One Star - out of five/no halves)

Prom

What starts out as an all-too-formulaic teen romantic comedy settles into a acceptably recipe-driven think piece on the significance of that milestone social gathering known as "the prom." Seemingly every boy at Brookside High School has the same idea about how to ask his intended date to the upcoming "Starry Night Prom." They spell out "PROM?" in giant letters in a public place and wait patiently for the object of their heart's desire to notice it and answer (in the affirmative, natch). It doesn't hurt that modern-day youthful versions of John Cusack, Johnny Depp and Ralph Macchio are in attendance. Nolan Sotillo favors Macchio's "Karate Kid" days as Lucas, an all-American boy on the verge of playing varsity football. Lucas has it bad for his romantic classmate Simone (Danielle Campbell). Sadly for Lucas, Simone still has feelings for varsity quarterback Tyler (DeVaughn Nixon). Thomas McDonell falls into the Johnny Depp look-alike camp as brooding bad boy Jesse. It's not much of a surprise when fate brings cynical loner Jesse into a school mandated assignment to help prom-planner Nova Prescott (Aimee Teegarden) rebuild a prom set destroyed by fire. Shock: embers of desire ignite. Finally, Nicholas Braun fills the John Cusack spot (during Cusack's "Say Anything" period) as Lloyd Taylor, a good-looking, well-mannered kid who can't get a date. Every predictable plot point is underlined twice with sincere emotion. Did I mention this isn't novel or original? It doesn't matter. Teen movies like "Prom" are made to let kids know they're not alone in the whirlwind of events and moods they are going through. To that end, "Prom" plays every heartstring like a well-worn melody—a tune that is, after all, classic for a reason.    

Rated PG. 103 mins. (B-) (Three Stars - out of five/no halves)

 

Arthur

Television director Jason Winer's remake of the 1981 pseudo classic, which stared Dudley Moore, succeeds based on the casting of its three main characters. Recovered-addict-poster boy Russell Brand plays Arthur, a filthy rich developmentally challenged man/boy with an endearing twinkle of sincerity in his glassy eyes. Arthur's caring nanny (well played by Helen Mirren) is dependably there to clean Arthur up after his regular nights of drunken carousing. A Batman-influenced car chase opening sequence goes too far into the realm of silliness, but it does get your attention. The film's secret weapon is Greta Gerwig. She plays Naomi, a New York ingénue impressed by, but not driven toward, Arthur's ostentatious wealth. Gerwig's guileless character lets slip the film's subtext of sensitivity with a kind of thematic striptease that occurs in her subtle facial expressions. The movie is after all more of a romantic comedy than a how-the-mighty-fall diatribe on Charlie Sheen-styled shenanigans. Fluffy though it might be, "Arthur" is a heartwarming comedy. That's certainly more than you can say for the typical Hollywood romcom.

Rated PG-13. 109 mins. (B-) (Three Stars - out of five/no halves)

Heartbeats

 

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Unrequited love in Montreal's chic world of privilege and parties is the theme of Xavier Dolan's quirky romantic comedy. Marie (Monika Chokri) is a 25-year-old rebel with hard features she disguises under vintage clothing. Francis (played by the film's director) is Marie's best friend. He's a young gay man who's been through the mill of love more than a few times. The pair set themselves up for trouble when they both become obsessed with an Adonis-like guy named Nicholas (Niel Schneider). Nicholas is a floppy-haired metrosexual who keeps people near him guessing about things like the depth of his carefully guarded intellect and his sexual orientation. Everything in life comes easy for Nicholas, who has no problem leading Marie and Francis on with equal temptation. A vacation to the countryside offers the promise of a ménage à trois if only any of these tongue-tied characters can verbally articulate such an obvious idea. Nicholas, Marie, and Francis are adept at alluding to distant influences like Audrey Hepburn and Manichean cosmology. Yet, sorting out the reality of their personal interactions takes a brand of focus they have yet to conquer. "Heartbeats" is a witty movie for chic twentysomething misfits who almost know what they want.

Not Rated. 102 mins. (B-) (Three Stars - out of five/no halves)

February 21, 2011 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

No Strings Attached

Ashton Kutcher has become a constant contributor to Hollywood's abysmal January/February doldrums. That Kutcher takes Natalie Portman into the void with him is as incomprehensible as Ivan Reitman's out-to-lunch direction on a romantic comedy that needed at least dozen re-writes before it got a budget. Screenwriter Elizabeth-you'll-never-work-in-this-town-again-Meriwether has a kind of lopsided sense of humor that defies funniness. Meriwether goes to great pains to make Kutcher's best friend Eli (Jake M. Johnson) the "super straight" son of two gay dads as if such exposition automatically ignites laughs. Yawns are more like it. Kutcher breezes through the movie as L.A.-dwelling Adam. He's distraught because his retired TV-star dad Alvin (Kevin Kline) is busy banging his British ex-girlfriend. Dad also likes to smoke pot in an all-too-obvious nod to Kline's hippie role in the 1983 movie "The Big Chill." Adam meets up with doctor-in-training Emma (Portman), who he lost his virginity to at camp when they were fourteen. Emma is much too busy working at her hospital to consider anything other than sex as reason for having contact with the opposite sex. Emma also lives with three annoying roommates who all share the same monthly cycle, even if one of them is a gay guy. Funny, right? Nope. But it gives you a sense of how foolish the movie is. Adam makes Emma a "period mix-CD" with songs like "I've Got the World by a String." The couple have pretend raucous sex until something passing as real emotion starts to come between. Miserable.

Rated R. 110 mins. (D) (One Star - out of five/no halves)

January 23, 2011 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Tourist

Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie bring new meaning to "fluffy" espionage. Romantic Italian locations are the backdrop for steamy kisses between the megawatt stars. If the idea of Depp and Jolie caught in rapt embrace makes you want to reach for an aspirin, you're probably not the film's target audience. Intentionally mistaken identities are de rigueur. Angelina Jolie is Elise Clifton-Ward a double-agent scheduled to meet up in Venice with the man of her dreams. His name is Alexander Pierce. He's an international man of mystery responsible for stealing a large amount of money from a ruthless gangster. Elise is under constant surveillance from Scotland Yard detectives intent on her leading them to the real Alexander Pierce whose facial features may have been altered by a highly skilled plastic surgeon. On the bullet train to Venice Elise follows Alexander's instructions to make friends with an unsuspecting random guy to throw Interpol off his trail. Elise chooses to sit across from an American high school math teacher named Frank Tupelo (Depp). Sparks fly and she invites him to stay with her at her four-star hotel. Naturally the mistaken identity thing means that Frank must survive being chased by men with semi-automatic pistols and do a little jail time. After all, there's a price to be paid for romancing a beauty like Elise. "The Tourist" is a lighthearted espionage comedy that wallows in glamour. The plot doesn't make any sense because it's not supposed to. Check your brain with the usher and lavish in the beauty of Venice in the summer with Depp and Jolie as your sneaky and energetic guides.

Rated PG-13. 103 mins. (B-) (Three Stars - out of five/no halves)

December 10, 2010 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

Piecemeal to a fault, Woody Allen's latest confection is a drop in the bucket compared to the auteur's inspired early films, such as "Manhattan." Allen's multi-character study of bemused infidelity takes a roulette-wheel format that blinks on vaguely unlikable London-dwellers played by the likes of Anthony Hopkins, Josh Brolin, Naomi Watts, and Gemma Jones. Sally (Watts) and Roy (Brolin) are a disgruntled married couple. Roy is a failed author trying to get his latest book published when he isn't flirting with his neighbor Dia (Frieda Pinto) whose bedroom window faces his own. Talk about wanting to get caught. Sally takes on an art gallery job working for one charming Antonio Banderas, whose own marital troubles are equally dismal although not so exposed in Allen's script. Sally's fortune-teller-obsessed mom Helena (Gemma Jones) has recently split with her longtime husband Alfie (Hopkins). Wealthy Alfie is content to go broke buying lavish gifts for a hot little prostitute named Charmaine (Lucy Punch) who Alfie plans to marry. Plot treads dangle like so many strands of undercooked spaghetti as the filmmaker takes rote pot shots at humor with predictably fickle  results. It's impossible to have much empathy with any of these contrived characters who, however well played by such an experienced cast, remain one-dimensional.

Rated R. 98 mins. (C-) (Two Stars - out of five/no halves)

September 22, 2010 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Heartbreaker

Evidence that the French know more about romantic comedy than Hollywood, Pascal Chaumeil's tightrope act of cliché-baiting makes the most of its talented co-stars. Romain Duris is Alex Lippi, a professional heartbreaker who, with the aid his married-couple accomplices Melanie and Marc, methodically steals the hearts of women in dysfunctional relationships for a price. His latest assignment comes from the wealthy father of Juliette (Vanessa Paradis), a snooty heiress on the brink of marrying a perfectly dull jet-setter (Jacques Frantz). To make his play, Alex adopts the undercover role of Juliette's bodyguard in Monaco during the week before her wedding. Cinematographer Thierry Arbogast captures the French Riviera's striking romantic atmosphere as Alex eventually melts Juliette's heart with calculated measures that include adopting her proclivity for eating Roquefort cheese for breakfast. There's an old-fashioned air of screwball comedy to the piece that gradually transforms with an authentic sense of romantic attraction between Juliette and Alex. Even the film's clichéd tropes, such as thuggish debt collectors who regularly attempt to shake down Alex, come across as colorful diversions to the amorous main event. "Heartbreaker" is a comedy told in the range of fluctuating facial expressions that Romain Duris and Vanessa Paradis express in their every scene together. The side benefit of a brief but splendid vacation in Monaco comes as a bonus.

Rated R. 109 mins. (B+) (Four Stars - out of five/no halves)

September 4, 2010 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

White Wedding

Debut writer/director Jann Turner reveals refreshing, if rarely-publicized, aspects of South Africa where cosmopolitan dreams and cultural traditions mix. Jovial Elvis (Kenneth Nkosi) must travel from Durban to Cape Town, in the company of his best-man Tumi (Rapulana Seiphemo), to wed his sweetheart Ayanda (Zandile Msutwana). During their long road trip, the friends take on an English doctor named Rose (Jodie Whittaker), as a passenger who Tumi is much happier to have along for the ride than Elvis. The social landscape of South Africa, including perpetual strains of racial prejudice among Afrikaners against Black South Africans, comes into focus as the trio make their way. Jann Turner strikes a marvelous balance of buoyant dramatic comedy imbued in an authentic setting where its characters speak multiple languages in order to communicate. "White Wedding" is an unpretentious comic celebration love and loyalty that crosses all borders.

Not Rated. 93 mins. (B) (Three Stars - out of five/no halves)

August 22, 2010 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Cinema of the eternally pubescent hits a new low with director/co-writer Edgar Wright's adaptation of Bryan Lee O'Malley's graphic novel. Wright (director of "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz") trades in his hard-earned street credentials for a flagrant sell-out move that promises a reverse transformation from film to video game. Pigeon-holed geek Michael Cera reneges on his threat to retire from acting as Scott Pilgrim, a 22-year-old Toronto serial-dater of underage girls who plays bass in a woefully chic garage band called "Sex Bob-Omb." Scott gets inspired to box within his romantic weight-class when he meets toxic do-wrong-girl Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Perpetually masquerading in florescent-colored hair dye, the Ramona character is an obvious knock-off of the bi-polar trollop that Kate Winslet played in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."

In order to carry on with his life, much less spend quality time with fickle Ramona, Scott must de facto restore Ramona's tattered virginity by battling her seven former lovers. The filmmakers attempt to camouflage the story's clear video-game aspirations with mugging asides from Scott's oh-so-precious band mates and his fashionably gay roommate (Kieran Culkin doing his best Robert Downey Jr. impression), with whom Scott sleeps in the same bed. Don't ask. Scott's bandmate and former girlfriend Kim (Alison Pill) maintains a constant maniacal glare to show her disapproval of Scott's childish romantic behavior. The actors don't "act" so much as pose with expressionless poker-faces. At best, "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" is a backwards attempt at disinformation, encouraging a logic of poor character judgment for its intended teen audience. At worst, it is exactly what it appears, a cynical marketing campaign for a video game. 

Rated PG-13. 112 mins. (D) (One Star - out of five/no halves)

August 8, 2010 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Killers

There's a nasty subtext of paranoia regarding suburban-neighbors-and-family-members-as-CIA-assassins in this woefully static romantic shoot 'em up that makes Mr. and Mrs. Smith look like "Citizen Kane" by comparison. Ashton Kutcher produced this toxic film bomb in which he plays pretty boy hit man Spencer Aimes. Spence trades in his cut-throat line of work after meeting bride-to-be Jen (Katherine Heigl) while on a little job in Nice, France. Jen is a little too close for comfort with her "pilot" dad (Tom Selleck) and alcholic mom (Catherine O'Hara) who accompany her on the vacation. Jump three-years later to Spencer and Jen keeping home in a ritzy suburb. Spencer is working for an architecture firm when a 20-million-dollar reward on his head means that his co-workers and neighbors are actively out to kill him. Many rounds of inaccurate ammunition are fired, and much property damage exacted, as the story slips into a freefall of dumb violence while Jen warms to the fact that her lying sack-of-bullets husband is a former assassin who has recently impregnated her. Kutcher's reputation as a shrewd businessman just got knocked beneath the basement.

Rated R. 109 mins. (D-) (Zero Stars)

June 4, 2010 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Just Wright

More of a straight romance movie than a romantic comedy, "Just Wright" is sweet enough, without being cloistering, to satisfy its audience. My low expectations were happily put aside by the halfway point when Queen Latifah's down-played charm connected completely with that of Common as a believable MBA pro athlete. Compared to Hollywood's typical ham-handed romantic comedies, the plotline here curves rather than twists. Latifah's physical trainer Leslie represents a nurturing character archetype that we don't see celebrated enough in modern cinema. Some sub-plots and secondary characters are trapped inside unforgiving formula constraints, but overall "Just Wright" is just that.

Rated PG. 100 mins. (B-) (Three Stars - out of five/no stars)

May 22, 2010 in Romantic Comedy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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