GODZILLA

by

 

Spectacular Failure
Hollywood Tumbles Into the Ocean

ColeSmithey.comFurther evidence that no one in Hollywood knows how to tell a story anymore, “Godzilla” starts out promisingly enough before slipping into a snooze-fest by the end of its first act. A cool post-World War II-era credit sequence depicts a U.S. military attempt to rid the world of a barely-viewed Godzilla.

An atomic bomb falls directly on the creature, whose prehistoric spikes protrude from the Pacific Ocean’s surface like a small jagged island, stuck somewhere near the Philippines. A gaggle of Americans watches the violent event through binoculars from an island beach that isn’t as safe a distance away from the explosion as they imagine. Bye bye, suckers. 

ColeSmithey.com

Cut to late ‘90s Japan, where nuclear plant engineering expert Joe Brody (Brian Cranston of “Breaking Bad”) and his equally qualified wife Sandra (Juliette Binoche) both work. Cranston and Binoche deliver such energized performances that you hang on their every word and action.

Cranston doesn’t just chew scenery; he owns the movie. These are the kind of hyper-articulate and intelligent characters you want to see grapple with a juiced-up prehistoric monster the size of the Statue of Liberty.

ColeSmithey.com

Sadly, Cranston’s and Binoche’s presences are a short-lived ruse. As soon as we take the bait — believing that screenwriter Max Borenstein and director Gareth Edwards know what they’re doing — the filmmakers torpedo the pair and restart the narrative with far less intriguing figures — namely that generic kid from the “Kick-Ass” movies (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Elizabeth Olsen, in super-sincerity mode as his long-distance wife. Taylor-Johnson plays Ford Brody, a rah-rah Navy soldier son to Cranston’s fading character. Ford is a bomb disposal specialist.

Swapping out Cranston and Binoche with Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen is a cheat akin to substituting saltines for filet mignon. Taking into account the time squandered with the film’s false start, and the long delayed introduction of Godzilla — the giant lizard doesn’t show up until the film’s final half-hour — you end up with less than half of an already disappointing movie (unless you’re looking for an excuse to take a long nap).

ColeSmithey.com

From the look of it, you’d think the filmmakers never saw the original Japanese version from 1954. That film’s huge multi-national success owed considerably to its camp sensibilities. The original Godzilla focused much of its attention on the reactions by terrified Japanese citizens to inform the audience as to how to enjoy the movie.

Fallout from the relatively recent nuclear bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki informed a dark reality-based atmosphere that the film’s humor punctured with joyous results. It didn’t hurt that a guy in a monster suit played Godzilla. After two abominable American versions of Godzilla, it’s reasonable to determine that American filmmakers aren’t capable of making a respectable adaptation, perhaps because they never had a dog in the race.

ColeSmithey.com

This time around, Japanese nuclear reactors explode — reference Fukushima — bringing to life a couple of giant insect-like creatures termed “MUTOs” (“Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organisms”).

The box-headed MUTOs are in full display for much of the movie, but have all the personality traits of a can of pinto beans. There are plenty of scenes of American military soldiers running around doing stuff, but Godzilla goes oddly missing. Squandered performances come from David Strathairn (in a storyline placeholder role as Navy Admiral William Stenz), and Ken Watanabe (as Dr. Ichiro Serizawa, an authority on MUTOs whose advice to let the monsters fight instigates the film’s yawn-inducing climax).

ColeSmithey.com

One of “Godzilla’s” most grievous errors lies in its underwhelming use of 3D technology. Never does Godzilla’s reptilian fist reach out in front of the viewer’s face. His massive reptilian tail never swings out into the audience. The blue-fire Godzilla breathes never breaks the proscenium window. The audience is left to wonder why the filmmakers even bothered with 3D at all if they weren’t going to exploit the technology for its obvious, well-established potential to bring the monster off of the big screen and into our laps.

ColeSmithey.com

2014 is shaping up as a pathetic year for Hollywood. Indie films and documentaries rule the day. Hollywood is broken because it believes in spectacle over story. In order for Hollywood to learn its lesson, the public needs to spend their movie dollars on better, smaller films such as Amma Asante’s “Belle” or Alejandro Jodorowsky’s “The Dance of Reality.” Comic-book movies won’t cut it, and neither will uninspired adaptations of Japanese films from a half-century ago.

Rated PG-13. 123 mins.

1 Star

Welcome!

Groupthink doesn’t live here, critical thought does. This ad-free website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel.

Get cool rewards when you click on the button to pledge your support through Patreon.

Thanks a lot acorns!

Your kind generosity keeps the reviews coming!

Patreon
FEATURED VIDEO
Smart New Media Custom Videos
Cole Smithey’s Movie Week
COLE SMITHEY’S CLASSIC CINEMA
La Grande Bouffe
Rotten Tomatoes

0 STAR REVIEWS
1 STAR REVIEWS
2 STAR REVIEWS
3 STAR REVIEWS
4 STAR REVIEWS
5 STAR REVIEWS
5th & Park Walking Tour
92NY
AAN
AER Music
AFI Silver Theatre & Cultural Center
AFRICAN AMERICAN CINEMA REVIEWS
AGITPROP REVIEWS
Alhambra Guitarras
Andy Singer
Angelika Film Center
Anthology Film Archives
Anti-War
Archer Aviation
ARCHITECTURAL STYLES OF CARNEGIE HILL WALKING TOUR
Argo Pictures
Barbuto
BDSM REVIEWS
Bellisimo Hats
Bemelmans Bar At The Carlyle
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Big Sur Kate
BIOPIC REVIEWS
BIRDLAND
Birdsall House Craft Beer Gastropub
BLACK AND WHITE REVIEWS
Bob Gruen
BOSSA NOVA
BRITISH CINEMA REVIEWS
Buzzcocks
Calton Cases
CANNES FESTIVAL REVIEWS
Carnegie Hill Concerts
Carnegie Hill Walking Tour
Catraio Craft Beer Shop
CHILDRENS CINEMA REVIEWS
CHINESE CINEMA REVIEWS
Church of Heavenly Rest
Cibo Ristorante Italiano
Cinémathèque Française ‘Henri’ Streaming
CLASSIC CINEMA REVIEWS
Cole’s Patreon Page
Cooper Hewitt Smithsonian Design Museum
COURTROOM DRAMA REVIEWS
COZY COLE
CozyColeSoloBossaNovaGuitar
CRITERION CHANNEL
Criterion Collection
CRITERION REVIEWS
Criterion24/7
Criterioncast
CULT FILM REVIEWS
DANISH CINEMA REVIEWS
EROTIC CINEMA REVIEWS
DOCUMENTARY REVIEWS
DYSTOPIAN CINEMA REVIEWS
FRENCH CINEMA REVIEWS
GAMBLING MOVIE REVIEWS
HORROR FILM REVIEWS
HUNGARIAN CINEMA REVIEWS
INDEPENDENT CINEMA REVIEWS
JAPANESE CINEMA REVIEWS
KOREAN CINEMA REVIEWS
LADY BIRD REVISITED
LGBTQ REVIEWS
LITERARY ADAPTATION REVIEWS
MARTIAL ARTS REVIEWS
MEXICAN CINEMA REVIEWS
Museum Mile Walking Tour
NEO-NOIR REVIEWS
NEW GERMAN CINEMA REVIEWS
FILM NOIR REVIEWS
OSCARS MOVIE REVIEWS
POLITICAL SATIRE REVIEWS
PORN REVIEWS
PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER REVIEWS
PUNK MOVIE REVIEWS
ROMANTIC COMEDY REVIEWS
SCREWBALL COMEDY REVIEWS
SEX MOVIE REVIEWS
SEXPLOITATION MOVIE REVIEWS
SHAKESPEARE CINEMA REVIEWS
SHOCKTOBER! REVIEWS
SILENT MOVIE REVIEWS
SOCIAL SATIRE REVIEWS
SPORTS COMEDY REVIEWS
SPORTS DRAMA REVIEWS
SURFING MOVIE REVIEWS
TRANSGRESSIVE CINEMA REVIEWS
WOMEN FILMMAKER REVIEWS
WOMENS CINEMA REVIEWS
VIDEO ESSAYS

keyboard_arrow_up