Director Oliver Megaton (no irony intended with his phony last name) creates an insipid melodrama crime action movie complete with a rinky-dink musical score and low production values to match.
Zoe Saldana plays tranny-wanna-be Cateleya. Between soap-opera-staged meetings with her kingpin uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis) Cateleya likes to play top-dog to her oh-so-willing artist boyfriend Danny (Michael Vartan). Danny is clueless as to Cateleya's activities when she isn't jumping on top of him demanding sex wicky-wicky.
Cateleya has no time for idle chit-chat; she just wants to bone down. But don't the wrong idea; the sex scenes are dishwater average. The rest of the time, Cateleya is busy hunting down and killing members of the gang that wiped out her family when she was a kid. She likes to perform in bare feet and underwear with her steam-spewing automatic weapons. The filmmakers are clearly in love with this particular fetish.
Even the scantily clad revenge-fantasy kill sequences have about as much suspense as watching someone walk their dog across a busy street. It might work for the uninitiated, but anyone vaguely familiar with the genre will yawn. Hotshot CIA agent Ross (Lennie James) tracks Cateleya from his TV-stage-set office. Not even SWAT can catch our spunky little kill vixen. If you go into "Colombiana" expecting a glorified student film, you will not be disappointed.
Rated PG-13. 107 mins.
