SOMEWHERE

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The awful ennui suffered by such spoiled Hollywood stars as Joaquin Phoenix, is the pathetic subject matter for Sofia Coppola's crushingly dull anti-plot drama.

Stephen Dorff's bratty Hollywood star Johnny Marco sulks around L.A. in his black Ferrari coupe.

This is when he isn't paying for the same pair of pole-dancer twins who set up shop in Johnny's various hotel rooms.

He likes to stay at the Chateau Marmont and drink champagne.

Nothing much happens.

Johnny takes care of his daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning) while his estranged wife checks out indefinitely. Johnny and Cleo bond over things like laying in the sun on their plush hotel's poolside deck. Excruciatingly dull and narcissistic, "Somewhere" is a suspect milieu satire that favors enforced glamour over narrative complexity.

This is one of the worst films of 2010. It's so unpleasant that it makes Casey Affleck's Joaquin Phoenix disaster mockumentary "I'm Still Here" seem interesting by comparison. "Somewhere" is an embarrassment to everyone involved, not least of all its unsuspecting audience.

Rated R. 98 mins.

ZERO STARS