SKATELAND

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As bland melodramas go, "Skateland" manages to stare up at the bottom rung. The move has "first-time-director" (read amateur) written all over it. As is the case, co-writer/director Anthony Burns makes an audition reel that shows why he isn't ready to helm feature films. From the miscasting of the look-at-that-freaking-hipster Shiloh Fernandez (as the film's lead) right down to a myriad of disjointed period elements, "Skateland" is a filmic sleeping pill.

Small-town Texas, circa 1983, is the setting for has-he-got-a-pulse Ritchie Wheeler (Fernandez) to savor the waning days of summer. 19-year-old Ritchie loves his job at Skateland, the roller-skate rink where he works when he isn't being too lazy to apply for college. Ritchie loves Skateland more than his lame girlfriend, but we don't really know why he cares about either. Ritchie likes to hand out with his ex-motocross racer pal Brent (Heath Freeman), drinking booze and riding around in Brent's El Camino.

Limp dramatic plot twists come in the form of an ineptly foreshadowed divorce, and the insignificant death of a supporting character. If anything, "Skateland" reminds you that not everyone "comes of age." The movie certainly doesn't.

Rated PG-13. 85 mins.