DEADPOOL

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The LGBT movement gets an ostensibly unwelcome filmic addition in the guise of Ryan Reynolds’s wisecracking bi-sexual mercenary Wade Wilson. Wade likes to shoot bad guys, and get plowed (yes sexually violated) in his off time.

Yawn.

Our anti-hero of sexual experimentation is on a revenge mission against a mad scientist whose meddling turned Wade into a horribly scarred superhuman.

Deadpool is billed as “God’s Perfect Idiot” during an unconventional pre-roll announcing the inclusion of characters such as “A Moody Teen,” “A Gratuitous Cameo,” and a “CGI Character.” Such is the nature of this film’s annoying tic of self-referential asides.

The film takes a lot of things for granted, such as why any audience member would empathize with a sociopath such as the one propped up here as an anti-hero with weird body issues. If you liked “Kick-Ass” you’ll probably enjoy this movie. Personally, I found “Kick-Ass” to be a snooze.

Fast twitch one-liners abound during the film’s visually impressive, but thematically cartoonish, opening act. Dressed in his signature red-and-black suit, Deadpool comments on his sexual predilections when he tells a criminal, “I’ve never said this before, but don’t swallow” before stuffing a hot car lighter in the man’s mouth. The innuendo and non sequiturs pile on to a point of exhaustion. Deadpool is very impressed with himself. If smug is your bag, drop Deadpool right in with Donald Trump. 

Pop culture references bounce around like ping pong balls in a windstorm. Deadpool tells his latest victim, “I’m about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late ‘90s.” That was so funny I forgot to laugh. Fourth-wall breaking comic asides regularly mock the audience. This is the kind of movie that would fit into the “Rocky Horror” phenomenon of attracting audiences who have scripted responses to specific lines. Since Deadpool seems obsessed with things like what "nuts" taste like in his mouth, kids could have a field day.

When “Dead” (his nickname) isn’t contemplating his navel, butthole, or masculine appendage, he’s busy keeping romance burning with Vanessa Carlysle (Morena Baccarin), a hooker whose childhood of sexual abuse mirrors similar mistreatment that Wade suffered as a boy. Vanessa has a way with a strap-on, and that’s quite all right with our bottom-boy hero.

Wade abandons Vanessa after he meets mad scientist Ajax (Ed Skrein), a doctor who promises to rid Wade of the cancer that he has just discovered is taking over his body. Accidents will happen. During Ajax’s not-so-medical procedure Wade gets dosed up with a toxic substance that leaves him one big mass of scar tissue. The upside is that Wade also has self-healing attributes that come in handy when he’s doing battle with the likes of Colossus (Stefan Kapicic), an enormous CGI creature with a bad temper.

Listening to smart-alecky one-liners while watching a clown in a red suit kill people might be some audiences' idea of fun, but it isn’t mine. This movie blows, or sucks, depending on your perspective. 

Rated R. 118 mins. 

In episode #5 of LA GRANDE BOUFFE (THE BIG FEAST), Mike Lacy and I drink "Delicious IPA" (Stone Brewing) while chewing the fat over Robert Altman's unforgettable 1992 film THE PLAYER.