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May 25, 2022

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE — CANNES 2022

COLE SMITHEY

Groupthink doesn't live here, critical thought does.

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ColeSmithey.comCronenberg, you’re no Cronenberg.

What a fool.

What an embarrassment. 

Juvenile, gratuitous, and dumb-as-a-stump, David Cronenberg’s latest film must be his last.

This dystopic steampunk, sci-fi, body horror snooze fest is an unforgivable sin.

What a fucking mess.

Here is a textbook example of how not to do satire.

Screen Shot 2022-05-25 at 8.08.00 PM

There’s some literal bologna about a performance art duo (Viggo Mortensen & Léa Seydoux) busy growing extra organs inside Viggo’s messed up insides. The pair perform public (underground) surgeries to extract said organs.

Oh so gross, but no blood.

Whoopie shit.

Screen Shot 2022-05-25 at 10.56.25 PM

Whiffs of “Videodrome” collide with traces of “Alien,” and smells of “Brazil,” so the whole thing stinks.

Save your money and your time.

Screen Shot 2022-05-23 at 7.54.22 PMThe biggest dingus at Cannes.

Give up on David Cronenberg, and tell him I sent you.

Give me Jarmusch all day over this shite.

Screen Shot 2022-05-27 at 8.28.35 PM

I expect better from Cannes — much better.

Rated R. 107 mins. 

ZERO STARS

2022_CANNES_SIGNATURES_WEB_72dpi_400x400_3

Cozy Cole

Cole Smithey on Patreon

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