WHITE NOISE

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"White Noise" is the worst fucking movie I've ever seen.

This dog makes "Plan 9 From Outer Space" seem like a masterpiece by comparison.

As tempting as it might be to point fingers at Don Delillo, whose novel the film is based; director Noah Baumbach deserves the punishment.

The time has come for Noah Baumbach to hang up his director's hat for the last time.

If you desire funny social satire, I suggest you check out last year's "Don't Look Up."

It's a topical satire that runs circles around "White Noise."

Worse than the fear of death that permeates this film's overriding theme, is the fear that you waste precious hours of life watching it.

Some easily pleased audiences may find bizarre comfort in "White Noise's" vomit-inducing color palette.

Hard to believe though that any audience could find a shred of pleasure from Noah Baumbach's unwatchable miasma of misery.

Adam Driver has worn out his welcome. It may already be too late for Driver to crawl on his hands and knees to beg forgiveness from Jim Jarmusch ("Paterson"), but that's what he should do.

Don Cheadle may come out unscathed, but only just barely.

"White Noise" is cinematic hell.

Rated R. 136 mins.

ZERO STARS