THE SUBSTANCE — CANNES 2024

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If you've seen Alain Robak's hilarious 1990 horror blitz "Baby Blood," then you'll have some inkling for the wonderful gnarly extremes that "The Substance" delivers to its well deserving audience.

Writer/director Coralie Fargeat creates the most satisfying horror satire to come along maybe ever.

David Cronenberg must be falling over himself with jealousy.

Fargeat deftly quotes from films by such directors as Alfred Hitchcock, David Lynch, Stanley Kubrick, Darren Aronofsky, David Cronenberg, and Brian DePalma.

The Easter eggs just keep on coming. The special effects are amazing.

Taking a cue from Oscar Wilde's "The Picture Of Dorian Gray," Coralie Fargeat crafts a diamond-sharp satire that cuts in all directions at once.

Elisabeth (Demi Moore) is a wealthy L.A. television personality being pushed out of her job by corporate misogynist in-charge (Dennis Quaid).

Science comes calling after Elisabeth miraculously survives a car crash that puts her in the dubious medical hands of a shadow pharma company peddling a black market drug kit. The works give the user the ability to create a younger version of themself that they then trade off living between for seven day increments.

Margaret Qualley blows up the screen as Sue, Elisabeth's cunning younger, more beautiful, incarnation. Force of nature.

Vanity, jealousy, money, and fame make for a toxic Molotov cocktail of bad decisions.

Here is a whole lot of movie with some very poignant ideas about culture.

"The Substance" explodes with wit, heart, soul, and a whole lot of blood and guts.

What fun!

Rated R. 141 mins.

ANORA — CANNES 2024

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LOVE FOR SALE:

SEAN BAKER'S CINEMA OF SATISFACTION

Sean Baker has stepped firmly into the role of America's most sophisticated, articulate, and socially meaningful filmmaker.

Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino, Richard Linklater, Ken Loach, and Mike Leigh should be falling over themselves, praising Sean Baker for his filmmaking gifts.

Not the least of which is Mr. Baker's seamless ability to slip intimately between American regions (Florida, Texas, New York City) to create thoroughly researched, locality specific, stories that ring like a bell with authenticity and humor.

Sex-work in America is the topic that Sean Baker continues to mine in all of his films.

Mikey Madison takes no prisoners in her fearless performance as Anora. Russian/American "Ani" works at a Brighton Beach strip club where she meets Vanya (Mark Eidelshtein), the over-privileged son to Russian oligarch, Nikolai Zakharov (Aleksey Serebryakov). 

Shit hits the fan when Vanya's filthy rich folks find out that their son and a stripper are a thing.

Darya Ekamasova is hilarious as Galina Zakharov, a woman with way too much money and power. 

The film's remarkable ensemble cast feeds on the material to achieve incredible set-piece action sequences that explode like indoor fireworks.

"Anora," is yet another film (behind "Starlet," "Tangerine," "The Florida Project," and "Red Rocket") that Mr. Baker wrote, cast, directed, and edited, is yet another quantum leap in modernday cinematic storytelling.

This is a movie that gets into your bones.

It is inspiring that Sean Baker is able to write screenplays with such precise novelistic detail about people interacting in overlooked aspects of day-to-day life in America.

Mr. Baker's dialogue is modernday Shakespearean.

Just stunning.

You want Neo-Modern-Realist Cinema, well here it is. Serious adult filmmaking doesn't get any better than this. All NYU film students should be studying Mr. Baker's films.

You can easily tell in its first 15 minutes why "Anora" won the coveted Palme d'Or at Cannes.

"Anora" is a winner, and an instant classic of American Independent Cinema.

Rated R. 140 mins.

CALIGULA: THE ULTIMATE CUT

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"Caligula: The Ultimate Cut" is an apt title for this cinematic abomination. If you have already seen "Caligula" then you are well aware of just how twisted and exciting that film is for its sheer audacity.

"43 years after the 1980 release of historical epic CALIGULA, producer and reconstructionist Thomas Negovan has realized the creators' original vision."

What a load of bullshit.

Thomas Negovan has effectively drained all of the lifeblood from the Tinto Brass-directed film that Bob Guccione was clever enough to spice up with outrageous sex scenes. What remains is barely even watchable.

The outre sex spectacles of the original film are the very thing that make this 1979 movie the masterpiece that it is.

Thomas Neogovan makes a punk move by attempting to usurp the original version for his own stupid ego. Foolio.

Here is sexploitation in reverse. It's 22 minutes longer than the original, and boy does it feel like it.

Don't waste your time on this wrongheaded exercise in entropy.

Not Rated. 178 mins.

ZERO STARS