63 posts categorized "Sci-Fi"

May 25, 2022

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE — CANNES 2022

COLE SMITHEY

Groupthink doesn't live here, critical thought does.

This ad-free website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel.

Get cool rewards when you click on the button to pledge your support through Patreon. Thanks a lot pal! Your generosity keeps the reviews coming!

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ColeSmithey.comCronenberg, you’re no Cronenberg.

What a fool.

What an embarrassment. 

Juvenile, gratuitous, and dumb-as-a-stump, David Cronenberg’s latest film must be his last.

This dystopic steampunk, sci-fi, body horror snooze fest is an unforgivable sin.

What a fucking mess.

Here is a textbook example of how not to do satire.

Screen Shot 2022-05-25 at 8.08.00 PM

There’s some literal bologna about a performance art duo (Viggo Mortensen & Léa Seydoux) busy growing extra organs inside Viggo’s messed up insides. The pair perform public (underground) surgeries to extract said organs.

Oh so gross, but no blood.

Whoopie shit.

Screen Shot 2022-05-25 at 10.56.25 PM

Whiffs of “Videodrome” collide with traces of “Alien,” and smells of “Brazil,” so the whole thing stinks.

Save your money and your time.

Screen Shot 2022-05-23 at 7.54.22 PMThe biggest dingus at Cannes.

Give up on David Cronenberg, and tell him I sent you.

Give me Jarmusch all day over this shite.

Screen Shot 2022-05-27 at 8.28.35 PM

I expect better from Cannes — much better.

Rated R. 107 mins. 

ZERO STARS

2022_CANNES_SIGNATURES_WEB_72dpi_400x400_3

Cozy Cole

Cole Smithey on Patreon

March 25, 2022

DUNE

COLE SMITHEY

Groupthink doesn't live here, critical thought does.

This ad-free website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel.

Get cool rewards when you click on the button to pledge your support through Patreon. Thanks a lot pal! Your generosity keeps the reviews coming!

Cole Smithey on Patreon

 

ColeSmithey.comA dishwater war narrative masquerading as sci-fi.

Pshaw.

Oh the battles fought in a desert.

Sound familiar Americans?

So much sand.

So much capitalism. 

"It Begins."

However there is no reason to believe that the filmmakers will finish what they started with this first installment in an ostensible "Dune" series of films.

Screen Shot 2022-03-25 at 11.30.41 PM

As is Hollywood's way, they always promise something they never intend to deliver.

Some people are fooled into believing that because Denis Villeneuve is French, he must be some great director. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Look at "Blade Runner 2049." 

What a joke.

ColeSmithey.com

"Dune" is a fine thing to have projected on your wall (without sound) to add atmosphere to a party, but you couldn't call it much of a movie. 

Rated PG-13. 155 mins.

1 Star

Cozy Cole

Cole Smithey on Patreon

February 21, 2022

SWAN SONG

ColeSmithey.comJust as half-baked as its unfinished poster promises.

Newbie writer/director Benjamin Cleary gets in over his head trying to break into features with this limp sci-fi lite.

Mahershala Ali gets hung out to dry as a dying man who opts to have a clone take over his life to spare his family's pain.

The winds of drama barely blow in this film's near future.

ColeSmithey.com

It could be a good movie to nap to.

ColeSmithey.com

Oops. Drool.

Rated R. 112 mins. 

ZERO STARS

COLE SMITHEY

Groupthink doesn't live here, critical thought does.

This website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel.

Get cool rewards when you click on the button to pledge your support through Patreon. Thanks a lot pal!

Cole Smithey on Patreon

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