MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE — DEAD RECKONING PART ONE

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How the mighty have slipped.

"Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One" doesn't bode well for "Part Two."

With more plot holes than a colander, "Dead Reckoning" blows its bloated budget with a seemingly AI generated script that constantly repeats itself, as if to put a fine point on its manifold shortcomings.

Spectacle replaces storytelling.

This film's budget could have fed the people of Nicaragua for a couple of years.

So much for Nicaragua.

An extended pre-credit submarine sequence lays the groundwork for a silly McGuffin involving a pair of fancy keys that, when locked together, enable entry to an advanced AI system that threatens to take control of all humanity before you can sneeze.

Tricky mask disguises pulled from the original '60s era television series, that gave the movie franchise its basis, make for some fun character reversals.

Entertaining too are good old fashioned suspense sequences involving car chases, and a speeding Orient Express train that experiences serious problems with gravity involving a missing bridge.

Watch out for falling pianos.

Tom Cruise's Ethan Hunt doesn't interact in person with his team much. He's too busy running a maze of plot points that necessarily involve jumping, flying, and falling.

"Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One" is a fine excuse to sit in an air conditioned movie theater for a few hours in the midst of summer, but it's not as good as any of the franchise's predecessors.

Hopefully, the filmmakers have already shot part two of "Dead Reckoning" because Tom Cruise doesn't look like he'll have enough gas in the tank for anymore additions to this flailing spy thriller franchise.

Baked, battered, and fried; stick a fork in it. It's all uphill from here.

Rated PG-13. 163 mins.

 

TRIANGLE OF SADNESS — THE CRITERION COLLECTION

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Ruben Östlund's spotty social satire about smartphone-driven influencers goes on a "Gilligan's Island" styled trajectory.

"Gilligan's Island" holds up as a better example of the left roasting right-wing capitalist pigs, whose greed knows no sliver of human decency.

Ego, ego, ego.

Money, money, money.

Dirty, dirty, dirty.

The film's sadness comes in the form of a third act failure that dashes all hopes for the narrative to rise to its promised elevation.

Punchy dialogue keeps you on the hook, but the story evaporates with a ghost-in-the-machine tableau that just makes no sense.

Stupido.

Woody Harrelson nevertheless delivers a kick of comedy as Captain to a ship cruise carrying a mixed bag of social classes. Mr. Harrelson is indeed a proper Captain host to the movie.

If only Harrelson's character had more to do.

Check out "Don't Look Up" if you're looking for smart, sharp, and funny social satire.

Sad this movie didn't pay off on its promise.

Clunk.

Rated R. 147 mins.

 

PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE — THE CRITERION COLLECTION

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Céline Sciamma's lesbian romantic fantasy almost works on its own terms, but falters during crucial elements.

18th century French portrait painter Marianne (Noémie Merlant) travels by boat to paint a wedding portrait of Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) at an idyllic seaside estate surrounded by a community that consists solely of women.

Héloïse is bereft over the recent loss of her sister, and angry about her arranged fate of marrying a man she doesn't know.

Thus the table is set for a doomed lesbian tryst after Héloïse's mother leaves the women alone for a few days.

An abortion subplot, involving the mansion's servant, allows for a scene of artistically inspired exploitation that breaks the film.

"Portrait of a Lady on Fire" is Céline Sciamma's weakest film to date.

Rated R. 122 mins.