86 posts categorized "ZERO STARS"

January 13, 2024

ASTEROID CITY

Welcome!

ColeSmithey.com

Groupthink doesn't live here, critical thought does. This ad-free website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel. Punk heart still beating.

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Thanks a lot acorns!

Your kind generosity keeps the reviews coming!

ColeSmithey.com

 

ColeSmithey.comHow far the mediocre have fallen.

Wes Anderson has become more of an art instillation filmmaker than a storyteller.

"Asteroid City" is a fine thing to project on the wall of your next cocktail dinner soiree, but it isn't much of a movie, or a play, or whatever the feck Wes Anderson thinks it is.

Here is a movie you'll feel better about walking out on before it begins, than you will wasting the fifteen minutes it takes you to realize what a disastrous piece of inert garbage it truly is.

Still, walk out you will.

ColeSmithey.com

Other than inspiring a few chuckles, "Asteroid City" doesn't deliver enough humor, meaningful satire, or narrative structure to be entertaining.

ColeSmithey.com

If you like watching paint dry, then you should probably stick to watching paint dry.

ColeSmithey.com

I suppose Anderson's name actors (of which there are too many) were happy enough with the two-hundred to five-hundred grand that each were ostensibly paid for their participation in this huge waste of their individual talents.

Childish is as childish does.

ColeSmithey.com

Scarlett Johansson's gratuitous (body-double) nude scene takes the cake for just how embarrassingly low Anderson is willing to sink.

Disgusting. 

Rated PG-13. 105 mins.

Zero StarsZERO STARS

Cozy Cole

ColeSmithey.com

May 11, 2023

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE

Welcome!

Groupthink doesn't live here, critical thought does.ColeSmithey.comThis ad-free website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel.

Get cool rewards when you click on the button to pledge your support through Patreon.

Thanks a lot acorns!

Your kind generosity keeps the reviews coming!

ColeSmithey.com

 

 

 

ColeSmithey.comInsufferable.

This overwrought, oh-so-gently racist, movie is a dog of stupidity.

You can sift through the relevance of Hollywood handing this filmic garbage seven Oscars.

Pawns.

Vomiting all of the time now.

The filmmakers attempt in vain to obfuscate their pointed barbs at America's sanctions against China, as spun through a subplot involving the IRS audit of an immigrant family's coin laundry business.

Clever, not.

ColeSmithey.com

A softball lesbian subplot involving Joy (Stephanie Hsu), the troubled twentysomething daughter of the film's matriarch Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh), functions to give the movie a phony hook upon which to hang its muddled narrative.

ColeSmithey.com

Universe-jumping breaks the movie into dozens of narrative splinters that add up to, well, dozens of meaningless splinters.

"Everything Everywhere All At Once" is a steaming example of visual, sonic, and thematic noise.

ColeSmithey.com

Propaganda for propaganda's sake.

What fools.

Rated R. 129 mins.

Zero StarsZERO STARS

Cozy Cole

Cole Smithey on Patreon

April 29, 2023

DISCONTINUED

  ColeSmithey.com    Groupthink doesn't live here, critical thought does.

Welcome!

This ad-free website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel.

Get cool rewards when you click on the button to pledge your support through Patreon.

Thanks a lot acorns!

Your kind generosity keeps the reviews coming!

Cole Smithey on Patreon

 

 

ColeSmithey.comNot again.

Sadly, Cinema's lame Mumblecore subgenre continues to drag its meepy feet across audience's eyes in this depressing post-Covid dystopian movie.

If you hated Lena Dunham's "Tiny Furniture" or Greta Gerwig's "Ladybird," you will really despise newcomer Trevor Peckham's attempt at making suicide palatable.

ColeSmithey.com

Director Peckham and co-screenwriter Michael Villucci deliver one well-written date scene in movie that ignores the rules of screenwriting to its detriment.

Forget about things like three act structure, having an empathetic protagonist, or even thematic subtext for that matter, "Discontinued" is content to spin its wheels in existential mud for 90 minutes. 

ColeSmithey.com

Ashley Hutchinson plays twentysomething Sarah, a lonely suicidal Millennial more interested in crossword puzzles than in discovering her life's calling.

Judgemental, condescending, and unpleasant to a fault, Sarah comes across as mean-spirited.

Sarah finds footing in sarcasm, her humorless happy place.

Snarky is as snarky does. It's not a stretch to imagine Sarah's idea of romance as stepping on bugs for hours at a time.

Philosophy and creativity are not in Sarah's wheelhouse; passive aggression however is high on her limited agenda.

Sarah's one-note sad sack attitude is best described as what-the-fuck? She's a poster girl for the bad rap that disrespectful, entitled Millennials get.

Fuck all that.

ColeSmithey.com

A vaguely addressed suicide attempt — did I say that right? —  brings Sarah to an AI-assisted realization that all of life is a simulation.

If only Sarah had listened to The Buzzcocks's "I Don't Mind."

So much for pop music logic.

ColeSmithey.com

Rather than follow the narrative thread they've sewn, the filmmakers skip ahead two years toward a forced ending that isn't exactly life affirming.

This narrative short-cut excises what should have been the meat of the movie. Instead, we discover that Sarah is incapable of personal growth.

Ignored too is the character development of Sarah's arch nemesis, Tucker (Michael Bonini), a Bro manboy who at least repents the errors of his past misogynistic ways.

No good deed goes unpunished.

ColeSmithey.com

Based on the little information provided, Tucker would have made for a much more compelling protagonist for the movie to be based upon.

ColeSmithey.com

Screenwriting and directing are two different disciplines equally difficult to master.

Perhaps Trevor Peckham should focus on directing, based on the abysmal writing on display here.

"Discontinued's" shoddy lighting and production design doesn't help.

Not Rated. 91 mins.

Screen Shot 2023-05-07 at 1.27.06 PMZERO STARS

Cozy Cole

Cole Smithey on Patreon

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