Steve Buscemi's invigorating vocal characterization of Templeton the rat is the only high point in this sleep-inducing live action-animated revamp of the 1973 animated classic, based on E.B White's 1952 children's book.
The ever-insufferable Dakota Fanning plays Fern, the precocious little farm girl who saves the life of a runty pig she names Wilbur, who needs the exhaustive assistance of a kindly spider named Charlotte (voiced by Julia Roberts).
Wilbur needs to avoid hanging upside down in the smokehouse.
Everything about "Charlotte's Web" is a rote retelling of the story set in a vaguely '50s era Americana where nothing happens that doesn't revolve around farm animals.
Oops.
Director Gary Winick ("Tadpole") never varies the film's dirge-like rhythm as he walks through the plot like he's passing around a collection plate at a late night church service.
No cash for you.
Rated G. 96 mins.
