HARRY AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

With the inane promise of making the "darkest" Harry Potter movie yet, Mike Newell (producer on "The Constant Gardener") takes on directing duties to issue a gruelingly sluggish film in the latest installment of the vastly overrated franchise based on J.K. Rowling’s eggheaded children’s books.

On the heels of puberty, the bushy browed Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) and his friends Ron and Hermione return from their summer vacation to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The promise of a tri-wizard Tournament consumes half of the film’s overlong two-and-a-half hour running time before giving way to the promise of a dance ball where teen jealousy can trickle down dress gowns like undiluted Kool Aid.

"Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire" ticks along like a watch with a dying battery. If "darker" means that it makes you close your eyes for extended periods, then this Harry Potter episode will seem very dim indeed.

Harry Potter is not an interesting character. He’s not especially smart, ambitious, or diligent. For all the "magic" that Potter should be flicking from his wand, he doesn’t hold a candle to the late Bill Bixby’s character on the ‘70s TV show "The Magician."

Harry’s navel gazing burden, which he bears due to his parents’ death, is his most defined character trait. As such, Harry is a boring protagonist. The audience never has much invested in what Harry will do next, because he’s too busy moping around waiting for something to be done to him. Harry’s valued friends Ron and, the insipidly named, Hermione are too gossip-driven to be as interesting as, say, the kids on Johnny Depp’s throwback television show "21 Jumpstreet."

Neither Ron nor Hermione seem especially good at anything other than talking about Harry’s delicate existence. You could watch all four Harry Potter movies back-to-back and still not feel like you know much about the three main characters because there isn’t much to discover. The problem is in the writing.

Early on, Harry has a nightmare about Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes), the cruel villain responsible for murdering his parents. The story shifts to the Quidditch World Cup where Harry and his friends witness an attack on the wizards’ tent city by Voldemort’s gang of Death Eaters.

Dressed in dunce hats, the Death Eaters leave behind Lord Voldemort’s "Dark Mark" insignia of a gigantic skull-and-snake on the night sky. The image portends budding violence that won’t erupt until a much-delayed anti-climax at the film’s end.

Upon their return to Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) inaugurates the arrival of a group of French female students of Beauxbatons and a group of German boys from Durmstrang who vie to participate in the Tri-wizard Tournament.

In spite of rules that mandate a 17-years-old minimum age for the competition, Harry’s name is mysteriously entered into the film’s "goblet of fire" from which participants are chosen. Much to Ron’s chagrin, the 14-year-old Harry is allowed to participate in the Tournament. Their friendship suffers.

The underlying theme of "Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire" is the passage of the trio of friends through puberty and into young adulthood. Harry is effectively given a free pass by way of being allowed to participate in a tournament for teens about to cross into their 18^th year.

There’s a telling bit of obvious sexism that occurs with Fleur Delacour (Clemence Poesy), the female tournament participant from Beauxbatons, as she makes such an inferior showing in the three fiercely challenging contests that she poses no competition to the two rival males. A more severe narrative trespass occurs when only Harry’s dragon battle from the tournament is shown. The audience is left to wonder at how his opposition fared against their dragon foe.

"Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire" is an endurance test. As you watch the movie, you continually realize that another 45 minutes has gone by and nothing has happened. Every plot point is a technical exercise calibrated to add another digit to box office profit. There’s no humor, no sincerity, and no soul to any of the characters. Harry Potter, as a concept, has passed through too many marketing meetings on how his young adult visage should be presented. The result is a vision of youthful impotence that is a con job. Harry Potter is a fake.

Rated PG-13. 157 mins.