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Incredibly, there are 45-year-old film critics who think they have something in common with the 12-year-old fanboys Hollywood considers its primary audience.
With "Kick-Ass," fanboy culture reaches its apogee of sloppily diminishing returns.
The film is apparently intended to draw a line between adult fanboy poseurs and the under-17 types who can only get into this R-rated picture along with said pandering grown-up.
Director Matthew Vaughn ("Layer Cake") oversees this dumb story co-written by comic book writers Mark Millar and John S. Romita Jr. The action revolves around Dave Lizewski, a New York fanboy who decides to reinvent himself as a real-life masked avenger, ostensibly to win the heart of Katie (Lyndsy Fonseca), a girl at school who thinks Dave's gay.
Dave proves a failure during his first outing as his green-suited alter ego, Kick-Ass.
The resulting beat-down requires his body be to surgically reinforced with metal plates.
But Dave's physical transformation does little to improve his tactical skills, which require assistance from a Bat-Man wannabe called Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and his Robin-knock-off daughter Mindy, a.k.a. Hit Girl (Chloe Grace Moretz).
Everything about this movie, from its cartoon bad-guys, to its stoopid humor, to its sudden jolts of profanity and gory violence, spells disaster.
Here is a movie that parents should not take their kids to see.
"Kick-Ass" is beneath anyone over 18, as well as most people under 18.
Garbage.
Rated R. 113 mins.
ZERO STARS
