KILLERS

by

ColeSmithey.com

There's a nasty subtext of paranoia regarding suburban-neighbors-and-family-members-as-CIA-assassins in this woefully static romantic shoot 'em up that makes Mr. and Mrs. Smith look like "Citizen Kane" by comparison.

Ashton Kutcher produced this toxic film bomb in which he plays pretty boy hit man Spencer Aimes. Spence trades in his cut-throat line of work after meeting bride-to-be Jen (Katherine Heigl) while on a little job in Nice, France. Jen is a little too close for comfort with her "pilot" dad (Tom Selleck) and alcholic mom (Catherine O'Hara) who accompany her on the vacation.

ColeSmithey.com

Jump three-years later to Spencer and Jen keeping home in a ritzy suburb. Spencer is working for an architecture firm when a 20-million-dollar reward on his head means that his co-workers and neighbors are actively out to kill him.

ColeSmithey.com

Many rounds of inaccurate ammunition are fired, and much property damage exacted, as the story slips into a free fall of dumb violence while Jen warms to the fact that her lying sack-of-bullets husband is a former assassin who has recently impregnated her.

ColeSmithey.com

Kutcher's reputation as a shrewd businessman just got knocked beneath the basement.

Rated R. 109 mins.

Zero Stars

ZERO STARS

Welcome!

Groupthink doesn’t live here, critical thought does. This ad-free website is dedicated to Agnès Varda and to Luis Buñuel.

Get cool rewards when you click on the button to pledge your support through Patreon.

Thanks a lot acorns!

Your kind generosity keeps the reviews coming!

Patreon
FEATURED VIDEO
Smart New Media Custom Videos
Cole Smithey’s Movie Week
COLE SMITHEY’S CLASSIC CINEMA
La Grande Bouffe
Rotten Tomatoes

0 STAR REVIEWS
1 STAR REVIEWS
2 STAR REVIEWS
3 STAR REVIEWS
4 STAR REVIEWS
5 STAR REVIEWS
5th & Park Walking Tour
92NY
AAN
AER Music
AFI Silver Theatre & Cultural Center
AFRICAN AMERICAN CINEMA REVIEWS
AGITPROP REVIEWS
Alhambra Guitarras
Andy Singer
Angelika Film Center
Anthology Film Archives
Anti-War
Archer Aviation
ARCHITECTURAL STYLES OF CARNEGIE HILL WALKING TOUR
Argo Pictures
Barbuto
BDSM REVIEWS
Bellisimo Hats
Bemelmans Bar At The Carlyle
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Big Sur Kate
BIOPIC REVIEWS
BIRDLAND
Birdsall House Craft Beer Gastropub
BLACK AND WHITE REVIEWS
Bob Gruen
BOSSA NOVA
BRITISH CINEMA REVIEWS
Buzzcocks
Calton Cases
CANNES FESTIVAL REVIEWS
Carnegie Hill Concerts
Carnegie Hill Walking Tour
Catraio Craft Beer Shop
CHILDRENS CINEMA REVIEWS
CHINESE CINEMA REVIEWS
Church of Heavenly Rest
Cibo Ristorante Italiano
Cinémathèque Française ‘Henri’ Streaming
CLASSIC CINEMA REVIEWS
Cole’s Patreon Page
Cooper Hewitt Smithsonian Design Museum
COURTROOM DRAMA REVIEWS
COZY COLE
CozyColeSoloBossaNovaGuitar
CRITERION CHANNEL
Criterion Collection
CRITERION REVIEWS
Criterion24/7
Criterioncast
CULT FILM REVIEWS
DANISH CINEMA REVIEWS
EROTIC CINEMA REVIEWS
DOCUMENTARY REVIEWS
DYSTOPIAN CINEMA REVIEWS
FRENCH CINEMA REVIEWS
GAMBLING MOVIE REVIEWS
HORROR FILM REVIEWS
HUNGARIAN CINEMA REVIEWS
INDEPENDENT CINEMA REVIEWS
JAPANESE CINEMA REVIEWS
KOREAN CINEMA REVIEWS
LADY BIRD REVISITED
LGBTQ REVIEWS
LITERARY ADAPTATION REVIEWS
MARTIAL ARTS REVIEWS
MEXICAN CINEMA REVIEWS
Museum Mile Walking Tour
NEO-NOIR REVIEWS
NEW GERMAN CINEMA REVIEWS
FILM NOIR REVIEWS
OSCARS MOVIE REVIEWS
POLITICAL SATIRE REVIEWS
PORN REVIEWS
PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER REVIEWS
PUNK MOVIE REVIEWS
ROMANTIC COMEDY REVIEWS
SCREWBALL COMEDY REVIEWS
SEX MOVIE REVIEWS
SEXPLOITATION MOVIE REVIEWS
SHAKESPEARE CINEMA REVIEWS
SHOCKTOBER! REVIEWS
SILENT MOVIE REVIEWS
SOCIAL SATIRE REVIEWS
SPORTS COMEDY REVIEWS
SPORTS DRAMA REVIEWS
SURFING MOVIE REVIEWS
TRANSGRESSIVE CINEMA REVIEWS
WOMEN FILMMAKER REVIEWS
WOMENS CINEMA REVIEWS
VIDEO ESSAYS

keyboard_arrow_up