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April 18, 2018

A QUIET PLACE

A Quiet PlaceDon’t believe the hype. “A Quiet Place” is a plot-hole filled waste of time. Scary? Not even close. All respect for John Krasinski (making his directorial debut) and his real-life wife Emily Blunt aside, the performances in this film leave much to be desired.

As Graham Parker sings, “Children and dogs will always win, everyone knows that. I won’t work with either one again.” Wise words. Deaf child actor Milicent Simmonds (“Wonderstruck”) seemingly couldn’t act wet in a rain storm. This film’s flaws however reach much further than shoddy portrayals.

A Quiet Place 2 faces another long delay

A by-committee minimalist script from three writers (Bryan Woods, Scott Beck, and John Krasinski) drops the audience into day 89 of an alien invasion. The premise is simple, alien monsters with acute hearing, and poor vision, track humans by sound. Sneeze loudly and you’re toast. Needless to say there is very little dialogue in the film. This is not a good time or place for characters to be having babies considering the inevitable cries that will cost you and your would-be infant its life. More on that later.

A-quiet-place
Our four-person family unit consists of Blunt and Krasinski playing parents Evelyn and Lee Abbott to adolescents Beau (Cade Woodward), Regan (Simmonds), and Noah (Marcus Abbott). These parents aren’t winning any awards for their responsible parenting skills. The number of children drops to two early on in the action before the remaining kids go missing. Where most parents would be worried sick, Evelyn and Lee are cool to a fault. "The kids will be fine." If the parents don’t care, why should we. Not only that, Evelyn has a fully-baked bun in the oven who, when he’s born, is the quietest baby you’ve ever seen or not heard.

A Quiet Place review – silence never sounded so terrifying | Film | The  Guardian

The tail-chasing narrative comes down to a couple of irresponsible parents searching, or not, for their two missing young kids while bringing another one into an inhospitable world where it will most certainly be eaten within a matter of days if not hours. I suppose you could read the text (and subtext) as a poorly formulated parable about overpopulation in a capitalist society that hears everything you do, but that would be giving this boring film far too much credit.

Quietplace

So while the groupthink virus continues to consume so-called critics, “A Quiet Place” is on par with M. Night Shyamalan’s (a.k.a. M. Night Shyamalamadingdong — I couldn't resist) insultingly mediocre post “Sixth Sense” overwrought, underdeveloped, and meepy films. Your disappointment awaits.     

Whispered Fears: The Quiet Place of Parenting | Chaz's Journal | Roger Ebert

Rated PG-13. 90 mins. 

1 Star

COLE SMITHEY

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I am stunned at the number of good reviews for this movie. We are expected to believe Mankind has been nearly wiped out by a creature that all along could be lured with noise and then shot. The only humans to figure this out are a moronic couple who plan to keep a baby in a box when apparently a mattress over a hole is all the sound insulation needed to keep the daft creatures at bay. Don't get me started on having no idea how simply reach down to unsnag cloth caught on a nail. Utter crap.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I think I have finally found a critic I can follow so I don't waste my time watching inane movies with bad writing and bad plots. The 4 of us were stunned by how bad this movie was and all the hype surrounding it.

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